1. Don't use the following words or phrases:
2. Use "third person" when writing an essay. "First person" is fine when writing journals, but in a formal work, stick to the "outside" point of view.3. Avoid awkward "passive" constructions, i.e. sentences that have no obvious subject. For example, don't write "It is seen in this passage ..."
"usage" - just write "use" "utilize" - just write "use" "goes on to" "since the beginning of time" "basically "a lot" "in my opinion" "I could be wrong" "could of" - when you really mean "could have" "loose" - when you really mean "lose"
4. Don't say "In conclusion." It wastes space, is a time suck, adds nothing to your position, and irritates the instructor to no end. I don't care if you've just cured cancer, the Middle East crisis, or Major League Baseball's eternal squabbling, if I see this phrase, it guarantees a grade no better than a "C" for the assignment.
5. Use MLA guidelines. Put punctuation marks inside quotation marks, "for example," I just correctly put that last comma inside the quotation marks. I'm also correctly putting this final period inside quotation "marks." That example would not be true, however, if you cite something; in that case the period goes after the citation, "not inside the quotation marks" (Gaba 152). Suggestion: Buy a copy of the most recent edition of the MLA Handbook for Writers of Research Papers ... or access the Purdue Online Writing Lab (OWL) MLA Formatting and Style Guide.
6. Never make a claim about a text unless you can back it up using some specific line from the text itself.
7. E-mail or talk to your instructor when you are having any difficulties. It can be very helpful, and can make a significant difference in the final grade of your paper.
8. Look in the library (school or county, whatever) and do a "subject" search under your author's name, to find many sources you can use in your paper. You might not find an essay about the exact text you're writing about, but you will likely find something that is at least somewhat relevant to your topic.
9. Instructors don't care whether you think a text or author is good or bad. What does interest us is why you think an author or text is good or bad.
10. Every sentence in your essay should have a reason for being there. Look at each sentence and think, "What am I trying to tell my reader with this sentence?"
11. After you are done writing, print out a copy of your paper and read it, out loud, to yourself. Have mom or dad read it over. (Why "mom or dad" instead of your best friend or significant other? They're a bit older, and may have suggestions for improvement that vary from those that your friends might have. Variety is the spice of life. Besides, it might make them feel important.) You (or they) may find typographical errors or awkward sentences. Fix them.
12. Do not explain, in your paper that "there are many possible interpretations of the work I have chosen." That is true of every work of literature in the world. Not only is it obvious, then, but saying it will only weaken your argument. The only reason you're saying it in the first place is because you are afraid the instructor will tell you you're wrong, so you're trying to hedge your bets. Don't be such a wuss. Make a claim and stick to it.
13. Do not say "I think that ..." before expressing your opinions in your paper. Just go ahead and say that something IS true, not that you THINK it's true. Not only does it weaken your argument to say that you "think" something is true, but obviously you think it's true, or you wouldn't be putting it in the paper in the first place. Duh!
14. Make sure your concluding paragraph discusses the same issues that you raised in your introductory paragraph.
15. Avoid vague generalizations and all-inclusive statements. "Everyone knows what it's like to see the sunset." "Roaches are everywhere." The problem with these generalizations is that they are almost always wrong (Blind people don't know about sunsets. There are no roaches on the moon.) Aside from being wrong, these statements also don't contribute to your argument. Don't waste time telling your readers something they already know.
16. Titles of books, plays/musicals and movies are italicized or underlined. Titles of shorter works, such as short stories, songs, or poems, are put in quotation marks. For example, you can read the novel Moby Dick, watch the musical The Producers or see the movie Titanic, or you can read Shakespeare's "Sonnet 30," and listen to the song "Oops, I Did It Again." If you are dealing with a selection-within-a-selection - such as "The Wife of Bath's Tale" from Chaucer's Canterbury Tales ... well, I think I just answered that one, too.
17. Do not mistake a list for an essay.
18. Don't try to be funny. It is a risk to write a humorous essay. What might be funny to a high school or college student may not be so funny to someone who is older.
19. Avoide cliches and trite sentences.
20. Do not manufacture hardship. Contrary to popular belief, it is not a prerequisite for a good essay.
"I just want to leave the world a better place." "Through sports, I have learned the value of hard work." "Because of the death of my grandmother from cancer, I want to become a doctor." (If, for this reason, the student truly wants to go to college and become a doctor, the essay must show what he/she is already doing to make this happen, i.e. high school classes like physics, hospital volunteering, etc.)
21. Do not be cute with fonts and other computer word processing capabilities. Use 10- to 12-point Times New Roman font. Italics are not necessary for emphasis, nor are changes in the size of font, or using bold and/or underlined words. It is only annoying.22. Floss your teeth. 75 percent of adult Americans have gum disease. Without flossing, you will very likely become one of them. Besides, it will make your breath smell better, which means you'll become a chick/hottie magnet.
"My parents divorced when I was 10." (The instructor's response: "Get over it.") Middle- and upper-class communities do not conjure up hardship in many people's minds. Upper middle class students, and students from affluent areas, have had opportunities and benefits denied to students from less affluent areas. That is not good or bad in and of itself. The real question is, what have they done with these advantages?
23. Don't talk or text on your cell phone while you're driving your car. Not only could you die while you're doing this (some might argue that both you and your cell phone would deserve it), but you might very likely hit a squirrel, or kill me, or hit some innocent group of Girl Scouts, or even a tainted group of Girl Scouts. Whatever. Only one good thing could ever come out of you driving with a cell phone to your ear or whilst texting - you might hit someone else who is driving while talking or texting on their own cell phone.
24. And hey, as long as you're driving around, use your turn signals and wear your safety belt.
25. Still in the car? You should drive less frequently. There is no easier way to die in America than to be in your car. More than 48,000 people per year die due to car accidents, fewer than the number of Americans who died in the entire Vietnam War. But only slightly fewer.
26. When you're picking someone up early in the morning, get out of the car and go to the door. Don't just honk your horn. People are sleeping. And stop blaring J-Lo or 50 Cent so that the vibes from your car stereo can be felt in Milwaukee.
The Fine Five - August 19, 2013
(1) Forty-one students showed up in the novice level Debate 1 class today. Let me repeat that: FOURTY-ONE FREAKING FIRST-YEAR DEBATERS! Which in layman's terms is FREAKING INSANE!
(2) I'm not overly concerned, even though a few more might be added in the next few days, because there's always an attrition that takes place due to other courses opening up and students who don't really want to be in debate when all is said and done. It will likely be around 34-35 students when all is said and done.
(3) Overall it was a pretty good first day back on the job. No major issues, and most of the students even seemed to listen. There was this sense of stunned "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY?" when I informed them there is a test on their summer reading next Monday; one entire English class hadn't even bothered to read The Hunger Games. Which was the assigned summer reading. Back in late May. Hope Barnes & Noble has enough copies ...
(4) Next time, I'm choosing the salmon or tuna over the mahi mahi at Duffy's. Not that anything was wrong with the mahi mahi; it's just a personal preference for tuna or salmon. Blackened, of course.
(5) Set the keepers for the Owen 16 Yahoo fantasy baseball league. Draft is Thursday. Hope I do better than last place ...
Weird News of the Day
From WCMH: "'Powell Girl's Doll Returned With Throat Cut, Threatening Note" - Bride of Chuckie?
Stupid News of the Day
From St. Louis Post-Dispatch: "Stranger looking to steal car keys stabs homeowner in Jefferson County" There are much better ways to try and regain custody of your precious snowflakes.
Florida News of the Day
From The Ocala Star Banner: "'Police: Man makes mistake of pulling knife on Fla.'s top cop" - You gotta know when to hold 'em, when to fold 'em, and when to bring the right weapon to a gun fight.
Video of the Day
Ryan Dempster's epic fail in his rage against Alex Rodriguez last night. (Four pitches to hit him? Really?)
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