The Bullpen of Death

THE FINE FIVE:

(1) During last night's Tigers-Orioles game, which Detroit won 9-8, Detroit News sports columnist Bob Wojnowski dubbed the Tiger's relief corps "The Bullpen of Death." The Tigers led 7-0 and 9-2 before succumbing to victory despite the late innings implosion.

If you thought this Tigers game was over when they led the O's 9-2, you're drunk. Tigers lead 9-7, and the Bullpen of Death is in.

— Bob Wojnowski (@bobwojnowski) July 31, 2015

This has been a constant throughout the year, and will only get worse with the trades of starter David Price (to Toronto) and reliever Joakim Soria (to Pittsburgh). Tonight, Detroit took a 6-0 lead into the fifth inning, then allowed eight straight runs by Baltimore; the Tigers fought back, but lost 8-7.

Look for a lot of high-scoring games the rest of the year.

(2) Hasta la vista, Yoenis Cespedes. The popular Detroit outfielder, picked up in a trade with Boston over the winter (with relief pitcher Alex Wilson) for starting pitcher Rick Porcello, was dealt this afternoon right before the non-waiver trade deadline to the New York Mets for two prospects. I'm hopeful Detroit will pick the free agent up again after the season; Cespedes has indicated he relishes the idea.

(3) It's still better to be a Detroit Tigers fan than a Miami Marlins fan, though. I don't need to dignify this with an explanation. Ever.

(4) I'm visiting family in Tampa this weekend. I'd forgotten how boring the drive between Yeehaw Junction and Tampa can be; I hadn't forgotten that there would be a ton of thunderstorms on the four-hour drive from West Palm Beach to Tampa. I managed to hit three different intense storm cells along the way. Because Florida summers.

(5) The U.S. Coast Guard has suspended its search for two 14-year-old teens who have been missing for over a week now. This has been a sad and painful story. I feel horribly for the families impacted by this entire situation. There's still a lot of prayer and hope, but like Red opined in The Shawshank Redemption, hope is a dangerous thing ...

CAMPAIGN 2016 NEWS OF THE DAY:

From CBS News: "Five reasons Hillary Clinton isn't sweating Bernie Sanders (yet)" - Yet.

Rob: What did Laura mean last night when she said, "I haven't slept with him yet." Yet! What does "yet" mean anyway? It means you're gonna do it, doesn't it? Or does it?
[Next scene]
Rob: [To Barry] Just come on. What would it mean to you, that sentence: I haven't seen Evil Dead II yet?
Barry: Well, to me it would mean that you're a liar. You've seen it twice. Once with Laura -oops- and once with me and Dick, remember? We had that conversation about the guy making Beretta shotgun ammo off-screen in the 14th century.
Rob: Right, all right. But let's just say that I hadn't seen it and I said to you, "I haven't seen Evil Dead II yet", what would you think?
Barry: I'd think that you're a cinematic idiot and I'd feel sorry for you.
Rob: All right. But from that one sentence, would you think that I was going to see it?
Barry: I'm sorry, Rob. I'm struggling here. You're asking me what would I think if you told me you hadn't seen a film that you have already seen. What am I supposed to say?
Rob: Just listen to me. If I said to you-
Barry: "I haven't seen Evil Dead II yet", yes.
Rob: Would you get the impression that I really wanted to see it?
Barry: Oh, uh, well you couldn't have been desperate to see it, otherwise you'd have already gone.
Rob: Right, I'm not gonna see that movie.
Barry: [pause] But the word "yet". Yeah, you know what? I'd get the impression that you wanted to see it otherwise you'd have said you didn't wanna go.
Rob: But in your opinion, would I definitely go?
Barry: How the fuck am I supposed to know?! Probably!
Rob: Why?
Barry: Because it's a brilliant film. It's so funny, and violent, and the soundtrack kicks fucking ass. I never thought I'd say this, but can I go work now?

FACEPALM NEWS OF THE DAY:

From USA Today: "Flight has to return to airport because ground crew forgot to unload luggage" - Oops.

FLORIDA NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Daily Commercial: "DUI arrest puts end to burger run" - I like mine with lettuce and tomato, Heinz 57 and French fried potatoes, big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer.

WEIRD NEWS OF THE DAY:

From 14 News: "Tax warrants against 7-year-old Pike Co. girl" - The IRS is intent on resolving the federal debt.

SPORTS NEWS OF THE DAY:

From TMZ: "'Rowdy' Roddy Piper Dies at 61 From Cardiac Arrest" - Meeting the Original Undertaker. RIP, RRP.

VIDEO OF THE DAY:

"The people that know you don't really like you anyway."

MUSIC VIDEO OF THE DAY:
Proclaimers, "500 Miles (I'm Gonna Be)"

The Fister of Goodness

Hasta la vista, David Price. It was a fun 364 days with you donning the Olde English D.

Price - a free agent at the end of the year - was traded to the Toronto Blue Jays today for three minor league pitching prospects, as part of what the team has described as "rebooting" the roster.

I anticipate Price's stay north of the border will last until the winter, when he will sign a long-term deal (probably in the six years/$200 million range) with the Chicago Cubs and be reunited with his former manager, Joe Maddon.

During his stay in the Motor City, the Tigers went 82-81; not the record owner Mike Ilitch, general manager David Dombrowski, manager Brad Ausmus, or the bevy of Tigers Nation fans were hoping for. But much of this was for reasons beyond his control.

In his 32 starting assignments, Price went 13-8 with a stellar 2.90 earned run average. He struck out 220 batters in his 223.2 innings on the mound, and had a 1.122 WHIP (that's walks and hits per inning) ratio. And, of course, he represented Detroit as a 2015 American League All-Star.

His only real problem games with Detroit came in two starts against the New York Yankees. Last August 27, the Yankees scored eight times in the third inning, beating Detroit 8-4; this past April 22, New York beat the Tigers 13-4, scoring eight against Price in the first two innings. Remove those two starts, and Price went 13-6 with a 2.30 ERA while a Tiger.

I foresee good things for Price as a Blue Jay, as long as he learns to handle the Yankees.

What people seem to forget - or at least gloss over - is that the Tigers traded for Price last July as a trade-deadline response to the singularly worst deal Dombrowski has made while Tigers GM. That, of course, being the December 2013  of Doug Fister to the Washington Nationals for infielder Steve Lombardozzi, left-hander Ian Krol and minor league lefty Robbie Ray. Lombardozzi lasted until the spring of 2014 before being dealt away. Last December, Ray was dealt to the Arizona Diamondbacks in a three-team trade that brought Shane Greene to the Tigers. Krol has been a major disappointment (1-3, 5.15 ERA, 1.697 WHIP the past two years), and Greene - after a strong April - has imploded (4-8, 6.72 ERA).

Meanwhile, Fister was good. Real good. He went 16-6 with a 2.41 ERA with Washington in 2014, finishing eighth in the National League Cy Young Award voting.

That's a bad transaction - so bad, in fact, that a number of Detroit fans (this one included) still point at the Fister trade as the beginning of the end of the current Tigers era. Even Detroit winning the American League Central Division for a fourth consecutive year in 2014 didn't change that view.

But wait, there's more! The money saved by trading Fister led to Detroit signing closer Joe Nathan, who was supposed to be a bullpen anchor. Instead, he stunk (5-4, 4.81 ERA, 35 saves, 7 blown saves, and a 1.534 WHIP) in 2014, and the Tigers sunk (worse bullpen in the major leagues).

In order to try and rectify the situation, Detroit, Tampa Bay and Seattle pulled off a three-way trade last July, with Price coming to Detroit and Fister's replacement in the rotation, Drew Smyly, heading to Tampa Bay. While this was an upgrade, it didn't solve the glaring Tigers bullpen issues. A year later, those problems still exist, and the starting rotation has been abysmal as well. (Mind you, part of that is also because the Tigers chose not to re-sign Max Scherzer this past off-season.)

So for the first time in a decade, the Tigers are trade deadline sellers, not buyers. Price is gone. Outfielders Yoenis Cespedis and Rajai Davis, starting pitcher Alfredo Simon, catcher Alex Avila, and  relief pitcher Joakim Soria will also likely be gone by the time August 1 arrives.

Now, Dombrowski works his magic. This winter, assuming he is back (he's a free agent, too), he will ply his trade and bring in a few notable free agents. And in 2016, the retooled - rebooted - Detroit Tigers will take the field.

I feel like a Cubs fan. Wait 'til next year!

CAMPAIGN 2016 NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Daily Beast: "The Missing Hillary Emails No One Can Explain" - She must have subscribed to Comcast for two months.

FACEPALM NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Washington Post: "Tennessee man faces gun charges after asking to see White House" - "The officer saw a propane tank in back of the truck and what appeared to be an ammunition box. Police searched the vehicle and reported finding a .44-caliber revolver, unloaded and in a holster, a .22-caliber rifle with a scope, a 7mm rifle, a knife with a 12-inch blade, ammunition boxes filled with hundreds of rounds and three percussion caps." Nothing about lion poaching, though.

FLORIDA NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Raw Story: "Florida official mocked online after misrepresenting ‘third world’ sewage issue with Haiti picture" - Florida politicians, spewing garbage out of their mouths.

WEIRD NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Mirror: "Most ridiculous 999 call ever? Time-waster calls police wanting cat arrested for eating his bacon" - Because bacon.

SPORTS NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Deadspin: "Taste Roger Goodell's Wrath With Our NFL Punishment Generator" - I long for the days of two minutes by myself, in the box, feeling shame. Oh, wait, that's hockey!

VIDEO OF THE DAY:

Might be a Tennessee man asking to see the White House.

MUSIC VIDEO OF THE DAY:

"Refugee," Melissa Etheridge

Rebooting

THE FINE FIVE:

(1) And like that, the Detroit Tigers are sellers at the trade deadline, not buyers. Or, as Dave Dombrowski said, they are "rebooting" for 2016. Here's who I anticipate no longer being in Detroit come Saturday: starting pitchers David Price and Alfredo Simon, outfielder Yoenis Cespedis, outfielder Rajai Davis, and catcher Alex Avila. It's also possible that relief pitcher Joakim Soria will be gone, too. Here's to racing with Cleveland to place last in the American League Central!

(2) August and September are going to be long, lonely months for the Tigers faithful. But at least Justin Verlander appears to be back in form, and J.D. Martinez will be fun to watch!

(3) It could be worse. It could be the Miami Marlins. Whose management and ownership I despise with a passion. And whose stadium I despise even more. Yeah, I wrote about that four years ago. Is it that hard to believe since moving to Florida in 1999, I've witnessed baseball games in Tampa, Cleveland, Chicago, Milwaukee, Baltimore, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, and Detroit, but have yet to watch a Marlins home game?

(4) Meanwhile, SportsNet just posted a wonderful "inside look" at the to-be-constructed new Detroit Red Wings arena. Yeah, I'm excited, too!

(5) Football season is just around the corner ...

CAMPAIGN 2016 NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The WashingtonPost: "Ted Cruz bullied Republicans for years. Now they’re standing up to him." - How about them anti-bullying measures?

FACEPALM NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Daily Mail: "'I just wanted them to look normal': Woman is left with lopsided breasts after NHS surgeons bungled boob job FOUR times" - Define "normal," please.

FLORIDA NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Real Clear Politics: "Walker Tells Private Group He'll Skip Florida Primary" - If you can't beat Bush or Rubio in their home state, don't join them.

WEIRD NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Defense One: "The Military Will Test a New Terrifyingly Loud Noise Gun" - It will be incredibly loud. WHAT???

SPORTS NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Washington Post: "NFL Films: Putting a positive spin on dreadful Redskins seasons since 1992" - But did they go Owen 16? No! Deal with that, Washington!

VIDEO OF THE DAY:

Coming to America, not starting Eddie Murphy

MUSIC VIDEO OF THE DAY:

ZZ Top, "Sharp Dressed Man"

RIP, Cecil

THE FINE FIVE:

(1) Cecil the Lion was shot with an arrow, tracked for up to 40 hours, and then shot and killed with a rifle. I hope Walter Palmer - the poacher, because I refuse to call him a hunter - who shot and killed Cecil suffers a long, painful, horrible life. Even better, I hope the Minnesota dentist who poached the lion for $55k is extradited  to Zimbabwe and spends some time in jail there. And by "some" I mean " the rest of his life."

(2) Here is a link to a petition calling for justice for Cecil the Lion.

(3) Here is a video of Cecil:

(4) There's only been one man named Cecil ever to lace up the spikes for the Detroit Lions - Cecil Souders, who played end for the Pontiac Pussycats before they even played in Pontiac. The Ohio State product was with Detroit from 1947-49.

(5) Chris Christie, apparently forgetting that entire "state's rights" thing in the U.S. Constitution, says if he is elected president, he will enforce federal laws. So you can kiss his chances good bye, because they're up in smoke.

CAMPAIGN 2016 NEWS OF THE DAY:

From CNN: "Sarah Palin serving in a Trump administration? 'I'd love that,' he says" - She's special, so special. Sounds like a pretender to me.

FACEPALM NEWS OF THE DAY:

From 24/7 Wall Street: "Customer Service Hall of Shame" - Can you guess all of the Top 10? In order? The worst? And does it even matter?

FLORIDA NEWS OF THE DAY:

From WFTS: "Video: Man joyrides through Hernando jail lawn" - Cops like donuts. Mmmmmm, donuts.

WEIRD NEWS OF THE DAY:

From CBS Detroit: "Naked Man Arrested At Grocery Store Meat Counter" - But was his salami Kosher?

SPORTS NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Indy Star: "Destroyed cell phone dooms Tom Brady's DeflateGate appeal" - He learned from Lindsey Graham. No word on whether Donald Trump called him out.

VIDEO OF THE DAY:

Wanna feel old, peeps?

MUSIC VIDEO OF THE DAY:

OK Go, "The Writing's On The Wall"

Iran, Iran So Far Away

Mike Huckabee is no idiot. Neither is Donald Trump, Rick Santorum, nor any of the other candidates vying to be the Republican Party's 2016 presidential candidate.

It's easy to rip on them for some of their outlandish comments on air, in print, and online. And it's easy to shake our heads - individually and collectively - and wonder if this is really the best we have as options from the conservative side of the political aisle.

Today's (well, yesterday's) eyebrow-raising campaign headline comes to us from the Huckabee camp, thanks to the former Arkansas governor's postulate that President Barack Obama is marching Israel “to the door of the oven” with the United States' proposed nuclear program development deal with Iran.

Here's Huckabee's full quote, said in an interview with Breitbart News' editor-in-chief Alexander Marlow:

"This president's foreign policy is the most feckless in American history. It is so naive that he would trust the Iranians. By doing so, he will take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven. This is the most idiotic thing, this Iran deal. It should be rejected by both Democrats and Republicans in Congress and by the American people. I read the whole deal. We gave away the whole store. It's got to be stopped."

The statement may have been nothing more than a calculated ploy to boost Huckabee's position among a large group of GOP candidates currently languishing in the polls, and at risk of not being included in the first Republican primary debate on August 6. Currently, only three of the 16 candidates (former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker and Trump) seem a lock to participate (only the Top 10 qualify to be on the Fox News-sponsored event). After all, Huckabee has been opposed to the deal since its inception, repeatedly slamming it as dangerous for the U.S. and Israel since even before the deal was forged.

If headlines - and a chance to thrust himself into the public eye, dispensing Trump from the honors - was what Huckabee wanted, he sure got them.

But at what cost?

The Democratic National Committee (among others, such as myself) took issue with Huckabee’s analogy to the Holocaust, saying such rhetoric “has no place in American politics.”

“Cavalier analogies to the Holocaust are unacceptable,” said DNC chair and Democratic Party Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz of Florida. “Mike Huckabee must apologize to the Jewish community and to the American people for this grossly irresponsible statement.” And the National Jewish Democratic Council immediately called on members of the Republican Party to denounce Huckabee’s comments, saying it is “not only disgustingly offensive to the President and the White House, but shows utter, callous disregard for the millions of lives lost in the Shoah and to the pain still felt by their descendants today.”

For the record, I am not expecting such denouncement to take place, given the number of GOP candidates who disagree vehemently with the terms of the Iran proposal. Nor do I disagree with his assessment that this may very well be a horrible deal.

For a number of reasons, I don't like this agreement, even though several high-ranking former Israeli security officials seem to think it could be worse (the general consensus being that this is the best agreement out of a lot of bad possibilities). Two weeks ago, I wrote about my many concerns about this topic, which is now in the hands of the United States Congress. I don't feel it goes far enough; the agreement does not include "anytime, anywhere" inspections to verify compliance, which is something I think really needs to be part of any potential compact, and which many in Congress seemed to believe would be part of any such deal. Sans such inspections, which give instant access to all possible nuclear sites in Iran, the world can't verify whether Iran is actually complying with the deal. Right now, the terms of this proposal allow for a 24-day window for U.N. inspectors to examine sites suspected of nuclear activity.

Let me tell you, a lot of things can happen in 3 1/2 weeks. I can teach Macbeth or The Crucible to high school students in that time span. I can run through an entire order of my meal replacement shakes. Heck, just last summer, I spent that much time on a 5,000-mile-long road trip that included stays in Savannah, Washington, D.C., Detroit, Cleveland, Columbus, Philadelphia, and Pittsburgh. Twenty-four days is plenty of time for things to "go missing" when it comes to suspected nuclear components that might not be in compliance with international mandates.

According to Think Progress,

The deal reached between world powers and Iran offers the proverbial carrot of lifted sanctions, which unfreezes $100 billion in Iranian assets. Should Iran violate the deal, however, those sanctions go right back in place. After five years of compliance, Iran could buy and sell conventional arms on the international market, and the same for ballistic missiles in eight years. 

The stick has to do with Iran’s nuclear capability - it agrees to curb the amount of time it takes to produce a nuclear weapon from a few months to over 10 years. Iran agreed to sell or dilute all enriched uranium it has, and also not to enrich uranium over 3.67 percent for at least 15 years. The agreement would cut the amount of Iranian low-enriched uranium from about 7,500 kilograms to 300 kilograms - a 96 percent drop. This is well below the level of concern displayed by Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu before the U.N. in 2012.

So yeah, there's a lot to be concerned about.

Rhetoric aside, Huckabee's position appears to differ from what he wrote seven years ago; he certainly seemed to indicate he was not opposed to using diplomacy to work things out with Iran in a January/February 2008 Foreign Affairs article entitled "America's Priorities in the War on Terror":

Another way to contain Iran is through diplomacy. We must be as aggressive diplomatically as we have been militarily since 9/11. We must intensify our diplomatic efforts with China, India, Russia, South Korea, and European states and persuade them to put more economic pressure on Iran. These countries have been far more interested in pursuing profit than preventing proliferation. They must realize that if the United States does end up taking military action, they will bear some responsibility for having failed to maximize peaceful options. …

Sun-tzu's ancient wisdom is relevant today: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Yet we have not had diplomatic relations with Iran in almost 30 years; the U.S. government usually communicates with the Iranian government through the Swiss embassy in Tehran. When one stops talking to a parent or a friend, differences cannot be resolved and relationships cannot move forward. The same is true for countries. The reestablishment of diplomatic ties will not occur automatically or without the Iranians' making concessions that serve to create a less hostile relationship. …

Whereas there can be no rational dealings with al Qaeda, Iran is a nation-state seeking regional clout and playing the game of power politics we understand and can skillfully pursue. We cannot live with al Qaeda, but we might be able to live with a contained Iran. Iran will not acquire nuclear weapons on my watch. But before I look parents in the eye to explain why I put their son's or daughter's life at risk, I want to do everything possible to avoid conflict. We have substantive issues to discuss with Tehran. Recent direct negotiations about Iraq have not been productive because they have not explored the full range of issues. We have valuable incentives to offer Iran: trade and economic assistance, full diplomatic relations, and security guarantees.

Don't get me wrong; the threat of a nuclear Iran is real, regardless of the language incorporated, according to American-Israeli Cooperative Enterprise Director Mitchell Bard. In a statement to MSNBC, he noted, "[Huckabee's] remark about marching the Israelis to the door of the oven was a poor choice of words, but reflects his understanding that Iran has threatened to annihilate Israel and this deal could give them the means to carry out that threat."

A poor choice, indeed. The use of incredibly insensitive language by Huckabee crossed a line, and not in a good way. It’s one thing to oppose the deal; it’s quite another to evoke the image of Jews being incinerated to try to express what I believe to be a politically-motivated objection to that deal. And as I stated earlier in this commentary, if publicity was what he wanted (and he's been languishing around the 3 percent mark among GOP voters), boy, did it work. And there's no debate about that fact.

CAMPAIGN 2016 NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The New York Times: "Bobby Jindal Calls for States to Follow Louisiana’s Example in Toughening Gun Laws" - Some example there.

FACEPALM NEWS OF THE DAY:

From ABC News: "Six seriously injured as bus roof ripped off while passing under low bridge in Lille, France" - But it worked in The Mummy Returns!

FLORIDA NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Independent Journal Review: "Check Out What One Man Did to Get Himself Banned From Starbucks…For Life" - Time to switch to Sanka.

WEIRD NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Omaha.com: "Inmate who wants to be called 'Supreme Infinite Knowledge' isn't the only prisoner to request an unusual name change" - Ummmmmmm ...

SPORTS NEWS OF THE DAY:

From MLB.com: "Writing '3-6-2' on the scorecard isn't enough to capture the weirdness of this Mariners triple play" - But it's a start.

VIDEO OF THE DAY:

Missiles. Russian missiles. Drunken Russian missiles.

MUSIC VIDEO OF THE DAY:

Queen & David Bowie, "Under Pressure"

Huckabee and the Jewish Vote

THE FINE FIVE:

(1) Holding out hope for the two 14-year-olds from Jupiter, Florida, who have been missing for several days and whose boat was found near Jacksonville earlier today. A vigil took place this evening. Not looking good; hoping for better news soon.

(2) Yesterday, one of the most impressive sports streaks came to a crashing end, when the Chicago Cubs were no-hit by Cole Hamels of the Philadelphia Phillies. It was the first time the Cubs had been no-hit since Sandy Koufax's perfect game in September 1965. The streak was 7,920 games long. Given the futility of the Cubs over the years, the streak is even more impressive. The Cincinnati Reds now own the longest regular-season streak without being no-hit, with just over 7,000 games. The Reds haven't been no-hit during the regular season since June 1972.

(3) Several long-time friends of mine have posted photos of their children on Facebook. Nothing unusual about that. The photos of their kids were taken at Blue Lake Fine Arts Camp, which I attended several times during my high school orchestra years. And the shirts are the same light blue polos that were our fashion statement in the early 1980s. Good to see some things never change.

(4) Tigers vs Boston on ESPN Sunday Night Baseball. Given their current records, this probably wasn't what the network's brass expected. Pretty sure it's not what the management of either team, or their fan bases, expected either.

(5) Don't count on GOP presidential candidate Mike Huckabee getting much of the Jewish vote. I recognize that the majority of Jews in the United States vote Democrat, and that there are likely better options than Huckabee on the Republican side of things for Jews who vote on the right, but any hope he had just blew up in his face.

In discussing a variety of topics during an interview with Breitbart News, Huckabee oped his mouth and brought the Holocaust into the mix. "[President Barack Obama's] foreign policy is the most feckless in American history. It is so naive that he would trust the Iranians. By doing so, he will take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven." Idiot. The full link to the story is in the next item.

CAMPAIGN 2016 NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Brietbart: "Huckabee: Obama Marching Israelis to 'Door of Oven'" - I'll let the National Jewish Democratic Council handle this one:

The National Jewish Democratic Council today denounced comments made by former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee in the strongest possible terms after the Republican presidential candidate stated that President Obama is leading Israelis “to the door of the oven.” The organization called on the numerous Republican presidential candidates to denounce the offensive remarks at once, noting that the field had no such qualms about doing so when Donald Trump launched a personal attack at fellow Republican Sen. John McCain.

Far, far too often, this organization has found itself forced to denounce politicians for invoking the Holocaust in inappropriate and offensive ways. These comments by Gov. Mike Huckabee, however, may be the most inexcusable we've encountered in recent memory. To state that President Obama is leading Israelis 'to the door of the oven' is not only disgustingly offensive to the President and the White House, but shows utter, callous disregard for the millions of lives lost in the Shoah and to the pain still felt by their descendants today.

In our eyes, it is almost pointless to demand Gov. Huckabee apologize for his remarks, although he certainly should. This was not a random, off-the-cuff remark, and the Jewish community deserves better than to hear a false apology that we doubt will stop the former Governor from offending again in the future. What we do demand is that Gov. Huckabee's fellow Republican presidential candidates denounce his offensive statement at once. Republicans have fallen over themselves to speak out against Donald Trump's outrageous rhetoric on immigration and veterans. Will they now do the same and speak out against this unacceptable attack against President Obama that smears the memory of Holocaust victims, as they did when Trump attacked Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)? Or will they stand by in silence and implicit approval? We call on every candidate to condemn Gov. Huckabee's disgusting statement and to show where they truly stand.

FACEPALM NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Hill: "Senate's ObamaCare repeal effort falls short" - That's 58, or one for each 2016 GOP presidential candidate.

FLORIDA NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Tampa Bay Times: "Pinellas Park man charged with arson - on his own house" - He was cleaning the motorcycle and acting erratically and indifferent to the fact that his house was on fire, authorities said.

WEIRD NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Pink News: "Man organises ‘straight pride’ parade, blames gays when no-one turns up" - Of course he does.

SPORTS NEWS OF THE DAY:

From ESPN: "Mets discover baby raccoon in clubhouse weight room" - No word on when he will undergo Tommy John surgery.

VIDEO OF THE DAY:

Train 1, Limo 0.

MUSIC VIDEO OF THE DAY:

The Rolling Stones, "Waiting On A Friend"

Hell's Grannies

THE FINE FIVE: MONTY PYTHON SCENES:

These are five wonderful Monty Python's Flying Circus sketches and scenes from the comedy troupe's vast library of such skits and sketches. Choosing a "top five" is like selecting a "top five" Bruce Springsteen songs: incredibly difficult, and subject to how one feels that day. I could just have easily included Whizzo's Chocolate Assortment, Bruces Philosopher Song, Spam, Killer Rabbit, Killer Cars, Upper Class Twit of the Year, French Taunters, We Have Found A Witch, Mr. Neutron, Argument Clinic, or Penguin on the Telly. Or any of a dozen more from each of their movies!

So this may be a "top five" list, but it doesn't mean it's the top five. And this list could change on a daily basis.

The five presented here are in no particular order.

(1) The Dead Parrot Sketch & The Lumberjack Song

(2) Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

(3) Hell's Grannies (note: this was probably my father's favorite sketch of all time)

(4) The Philosopher's World Cup

(5) The Black Knight

CAMPAIGN 2016 NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Texas Public radio: "Texas Nationalist Movement Wants Issue On TX-GOP Ballot" - If you need to ask what the "issue" is ...

FACEPALM NEWS OF THE DAY:

From WCAX: "Car crashes into home in Plattsburgh" - Headline is longer than the story. So was that sentence. So is this sentence!

FLORIDA NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Infowars: "Florida Man Ordered by City to Keep BBQ Smell From Leaving His Property" - If there were only some way to control the weather ... 

WEIRD NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Hill Now: "Robber Armed With Toy Bat Strikes in Northeast Capitol Hill" - Police described the suspect as a bald, 50-year-old man. He had no shirt on and was wearing blue shorts and white sneakers. And he wielded a toy bat.

SPORTS NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Deadspin: "Junior Seau's Family Banned From Speaking At His Hall Of Fame Induction" - Another wonderful professional football PR move.

VIDEO OF THE DAY:

The Steve Irwin Tribute

MUSIC VIDEO OF THE DAY:

Public Enemy, "Welcome to the Terrordome" 

Crunchy Frog?

THE FINE FIVE:

(1) Had a surprise phone call this morning from Trigg's Upholstery, letting me know the six dining room chairs I brought in Monday for a major re-do were finished. Picked them up in the afternoon. They look and feel great!

I went in to this project not really knowing how it would finish. Initially, I was told by a number of individuals that this was essentially a DIY project. I would agree; however, there were a few minor chinks in the idea. After going to the local Jo-Ann Fabric to estimate the cost of buying new padding and fabric, I brought the set in to Trigg's (recommended by Fawn Tenenbaum, who had used their services before, and whose father was an upholsterer) for a professional estimate. Turns out the situation was actually worse than I had realized; the padding in at least three seats was deteriorating, and replacing it would cause the seat fabric to look horrible. Additionally, the fabric design is no longer available, and the backs of the chairs are still in pretty good condition, so there is no reason to re-do them. Further, one of the chairs needed major repairs (it broke several years ago; it needed re-gluing, new screws, the works) to put it back together.

The end of it is that I am had the entire set re-done professionally. We found a fabric that worked well enough, color-wise and design-wise, to match fairly nicely with the chair backs. It ended up costing $437.81, or $72.97 per chair; this included repairing the broken chair and additional reinforcement of the other five, 2" foam for all six, the replacement seat fabric, etc. (I'm not sure, but I think they originally had 1" or 1 1/2" foam padding; after 40 years of use, it is hard to know exactly how much was there when my parents bought the set.) They did a far superior job than I could have, and much quicker. I highly recommend them for others in the area.

(2) Next on the agenda: finding a reputable furniture restoration company. I have two Mahogany end tables, a server table, a dining room table, and a china cabinet that need to be cleaned up, restained, and in some cases repaired, over the next few years. (I need to pace this, because finances.) A former student of mine from my days teaching at South Fork High School flagged me down; her father is an expert in woodwork and furniture repair. I sent her photos of the other items to get an initial estimate.

(3) Am I the only one who thinks, regardless of his ideas on bettering the nation (and some of them might even be legitimate), Donald Trump - for all of his media attention - is not the type of professional leader the United States of America deserves? He's brash, bossy, combative, and abusive. He's a boorish blowhard who is alienating so many people. I can understand, to a degree, the spoken word aspect of this; sometimes, the filter inside our brain doesn't catch everything, and we end up with egg on our faces. But it's a lot different when writing and posting something, whether in the newspaper or on the Internet. We have more time to stop, pause, and ponder, before hitting "send." Whether on Twitter, Facebook or other social media, there is always time to do this before publishing whatever your thoughts or arguments might be. Which is why I wonder, who the hell is running Trump's Twitter feed? An intern? A hired professional? Trump himself? The Democratic Party?

Yes, I realize this posted Tweet was from March 2013. But it's just a reminder that what you post online doesn't just disappear, no matter how hard you try or how badly you might wish it to happen. And your past can come back to haunt you.

(4) Tomorrow, Goodwill visits the condo to pick up a very large CD rack - the one given to me by Pete Bowers during my employment at WBFH-FM. It stands about seven feet tall, holds around 500 CDs, and is amazingly wonderful to have ... if you have a large CD collection. Which I don't anymore, since I donated about 350 to the Palm Beach County Library a few weeks ago, and only have about 150 left. And since I don't need something so large in my condo, it's better to donate and let someone else enjoy its usage.

(5) Next weekend, I head to Tampa to donate the bulk of my record album collection to my cousin's son. He collects albums; I'm sure he will get a kick out of the additional vinyl in his collection.

CAMPAIGN 2016 NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Politico: "Dennis Rodman endorses Donald Trump for president" - Your 2016 Secretary of State, everyone!

FACEPALM NEWS OF THE DAY:

From ESPN: "Colin Cowherd no longer on ESPN air after comments about Dominicans" - Featuring the most non-apology apology ever. He should do PR for Trump, who also doesn't apologize.

FLORIDA NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Sun-Sentinel: "First Pompano Church of Satan creeps closer to Pompano Beach commission invocation" - Complete with its own cheer team!

WEIRD NEWS OF THE DAY:

From CP World: "Pastor Commands Congregation to Eat Live Snake That Allegedly Turns Into Chocolate; Gets Arrested for Animal Cruelty" - The Whizzo Chocolate Company's Quality Assortment just got more assorted.

SPORTS NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Mirror: "Has Hulk Hogan been booted out of WWE after racist rant? Sex tape wrestler pulled from official website" - A sex tape wrestler? What in the world is that?

VIDEO OF THE DAY:

Photobomb? How about videobomb?

MUSIC VIDEO OF THE DAY:

Missy Elliott, "The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly)"

The Island of Misfit Toys

Donald Trump, overtly displeased with the Republican National Committee's persecution of His Royal Toupeeness, is threatening to quit the GOP and run as a third-party candidate for President of The Island of Misfit Toys.

Or is that quit The Island of Misfit Toys and run as a third-party candidate for POTUS?

What would King Moonracer think?

In an interview with The Hill earlier today, Trump said that, while in the past the RNC had been more than happy to accept his money, the GOP has "not been supportive" of his 2016 candidacy. Consequently, even though he currently leads all 87 (give or take a few) Republican candidates in poll numbers - something that has not taken a huge hit, even after the flack last weekend over his comments about John McCain's "hero" status - he is mulling a third-party presidential run.

The Republican businessman is under attack from many leaders in his own party who view his candidacy as a sideshow that could harm the GOP brand. The McCain flap didn't help matters in that regard; there's already been threats to try and keep him from participating in GOP candidate debates on Fox News during the campaign season. Trump says the chances of him launching a third-party run would increase if he believes the committee treats him unfairly during the primaries.

"I'm not in the gang. I'm not in the group where the group does whatever it's supposed to do," Trump told The Hill, explaining why he believes he's unpopular with the GOP establishment.

A Washington Post/ABC poll finds a hypothetical three-way race would result in Hillary Clinton getting 46%, Jeb Bush getting 30%, and Trump 20% among registered voters. That 20 percent would be really, really close to what billionaire Ross Perot received as a third-party candidate in 1992.

In a separate Washington Examiner article, Trump was asked if he believed Perot's candidacy threw the 1992 presidential election to Bill Clinton:

"Totally. I think every single vote that went to Ross Perot came from Bush. Virtually every one of his 19 percentage points came from the Republicans. If Ross Perot didn't run, you have never heard of Bill Clinton.”

There’s a lot to compare between Perot and Trump: Both are "off the chain" billionaires willing to speak "hard truths" to a political establishment that has grown increasingly out-of-touch with average voters. But Trump is missing the mark on this one; Perot was far more of a centrist than Trump, or any of the current GOP candidates, are. Perot didn’t draw votes disproportionately from Republicans.

But Trump would.

As The New York Times reported earlier this month, some party higher-ups fear Trump launching a third-party campaign could pull more votes from the Republican nominee than the Democrat in the general election next November. And that has Democratic Party leaders thrilled beyond belief. They believe they can defeat Trump if he's the GOP candidate; that belief is even stronger if he splits the Republican voting bloc.

Or, as NBC News pointed out:

The RNC has a choice to make: Does it bite its tongue and hold back on future criticism? Or does it let him go? It isn't an easy decision. On the one hand, the threat is credible - Trump has enough money (to get on the ballot) and enough name ID to affect a D-vs.-R presidential contest. On the other hand, he's held the GOP and its candidates hostage. And when you're dealing with a hostage-taker, sometimes the best approach is taking him out. But here's another question: Even if the RNC did want him to go, how does it go about doing that? After all, the RNC's job isn't to take people off the ballot. Voters - not the RNC - will decide who the GOP nominee will be.

So, is Trump is now the 2015 personification of Hermey, Rudolph, Edward Scissorhands, Rick Deckard, Willy Wonka, Jay Gatsby, Walt Kowalski, John Rambo, Travis Bickle, Jim Stark, and Pee-wee Herman searching for the basement of The Alamo? Regardless of his decision, one thing is for sure: Trump's a rebel, Dottie; a loner.

Yukon Cornelius would approve.

CAMPAIGN 2016 NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Intercept: "Lobbyists Fundraising for Clinton, Bush, Rubio and Kasich Are Coworkers" - Politics makes strange bedfellows, indeed.

FACEPALM NEWS OF THE DAY:

From the The Milton Keynes Citizen: "Yule must be kidding! Harvester puts up Christmas tree FIVE MONTHS early" - The Unified Field Theory of Creep (the general trend of pushing events earlier and earlier) continues.

FLORIDA NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Sun-Sentinel: "Rescuers free man with head stuck in hotel exercise machine" - A new training technique?

WEIRD NEWS OF THE DAY:

From International Business Times: "Fukushima mutant daisies: Deformed flowers spotted at Japan's disaster site" - Still waiting for the Zombie Apocalypse.

SPORTS NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The New York Post: "Jeff Bagwell gets excited by Astros, feels up girlfriend" - He's rounding first and really turning it on now; he’s not letting up at all, he's gonna try for second. The ball is bobbled out in the center, and here comes the throw, and what a throw! He’s gonna slide in head first! Here he comes, he's out - no, wait, safe, safe at second base!

VIDEO OF THE DAY:
Sharknado? OH HELL NO!

MUSIC VIDEO OF THE DAY:
Meat Loaf, "Paradise by the Dashboard Light"

Ahead Warp Zillion!

THE FINE FIVE:

(1) Got the crazy notion of running for public office today. Not this year. Not even next year. Maybe in 2017. I need to see who in the district in which I live is term-limited, because all of the individuals currently in office have extremely strong name recognition. And I like them, for the most part; I'm even Facebook friends with some (but not, like, BFF Facebook friends, catch my drift?).

(2) I'm sure that crazy notion will fade by the time I wake up tomorrow morning and say to myself, "What was that all about?"

(3) Not having a strong base of support or connections in said district in which I reside also factors into the equation. Most of the people I know in the area - current and former students, and their parents - live in a different district.

(4) And I really don't want to deal with the media scrutiny. I'm neither rich nor famous, but given a choice between the two, I'll take the dead presidents, rather than be a future dead president.

(5) Besides, in many ways, it's more fun following the campaigns (and as a journalist, covering the campaigns) than actually being the candidate.

CAMPAIGN 2016 NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Atlantic: "The 2016 U.S. Presidential Race: A Cheat Sheet" - Can't tell the players without a program!

FACEPALM NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Vox: "That time John Kasich tried to get his local Blockbuster to pull Fargo from its shelves" - Read the story with a North Dakota accent; it adds depth. (This story also gives me a chance to link one of my favorite This Is SportsCenter promos.)

FLORIDA NEWS OF THE DAY:

From SportsGrid: "A Facebook Commenter's Exchange With Berkeley Breathed May Have Inspired A New 'Bloom County' Character" - Cutter John FTW!

WEIRD NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Palm Beach Post: "PBSO replies to woman's tweet to 'bring me weed'" - Dave's not here, man.

SPORTS NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Deadspin: "Aaron Nola Gives Up First Career Home Run To Opposing Pitcher" - And that made all the difference.

VIDEO OF THE DAY:

Luggage has roller wheels for a reason.

MUSIC VIDEO OF THE DAY:

Jamiroquai, "Virtual Insanity"

Carpe Diem

Today would have been Robin Williams' 64th birthday. He was, by far, my favorite comedian ever. That encompasses a large body of work; his introduction to mainstream America on ABC's Happy Days, followed by a successful spin-off with Pam Dawber on Mork and Mindy; his stand-up career; and his advance into the film industry.

Robin was one of the first real comedic influences in my life, the others being Allan Sherman, the Monty Python's Flying Circus comedy troupe, and the Saturday Night Live Not Ready For Prime Time Players. Yeah, there was Steve Martin and a slew of other amazing comedic talent out there. But these were the "big four" of the late 1970s, my junior high and high school formative years. And being young and impressionable, I immediately gravitated to Williams.

While my initial introduction to him was through his guest appearance on Happy Days, I was truly introduced to Robin through his starring role on Mork and Mindy in the late 1970s. Part of what attracted me to him as a performer was his amazing comedic ability; part of it was also the Detroit representation (both he and Dawber spent part of their formative years living in suburban Detroit, so there was a definite connection there). It was goofy, silly, and family friendly humor, and was a weekly staple of my childhood.

One of the first albums (rock or otherwise) I ever bought was Robin's "Reality ... What a Concept!" which was released at the height of his Mork and Mindy fame in 1979. I think I had the album memorized within three days, and quoted it endlessly with my friend Tim Olson. It was definitely raunchier than the sanitized ABC sitcom, and looking back at my 15-year-old self, I didn't understand many (read: most) of the jokes, drug references, and sexual innuendo Robin tossed at his audience from the stage. I was totally entranced by the speed of his commentary, the variety of voices and languages, the sharp wit that permeated the entire performance (improvisational Shakespeare!?!?!). I was in 10th grade when the album came out, and teamed up with a fellow Bloomfield Hills Lahser student, a junior by the name of Hugh Goldsmith (we were in a history class together) to do the album's Mr. Roger's Neighborhood sketch (which starts at the 8:00 mark of the album below).

We all know the film successes that followed in the 1980s, 1990s and 2000s. Popeye.  The World According to Garp. Good Morning, Vietnam. Awakenings. The Fisher King. Moscow on the Hudson. Good Will Hunting. Aladdin. Mrs. Doubtfire. The Birdcage. So many amazing roles. So many breathtaking performances. He transitioned from comedy to dramatic, and managed to do so effectively. It wasn't always easy; there were a few duds along the way (Bicentennial Man, for example) or extremely dark comedies (I'm looking at you, Death to Smoochy). And, of course his work with Whoopi Goldberg and Billy Crystal to found Comic Relief USA, an annual HBO television benefit devoted to the homeless, which has raised $80 million between its start-up in 1986 and 2014.

He was a man among men.

Last August, Robin committed suicide - a stunning realization about a man who many saw as one of the funniest people in the world. It was revealed following his death that Williams had been suffering from severe depression, and had been sleeping in a different room from his wife due to restlessness and anxiety caused by early stages of Parkinson's Disease. Numerous individuals, famous and not, paid tribute to the comedic genius that was Robin Williams, and continue to remember him for his abilities, his friendships, and his philanthropy. Suicide prevention groups quickly reminded individuals that, if they felt they needed help, to call for help - for example, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline [1-800-273-TALK (8255)].

My favorite Robin Williams movie is Dead Poets Society, which forces us to look at life from a different angle and do what you believe is right, even in the face of adversity. It embraces passion, youthful idealism, and romanticism. It focuses on relationships and what makes relationships true and good. It's about finding a voice and sounding barbaric yawps over the rooftops of the world, I am important! I am an individual! I am somebody! As his character, John Keating, proclaimed to his class, "The longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all. Thoreau said, 'Most men lead lives of quiet desperation.' Don't be resigned to that. Break out!"

So may we learn. So may we live.

Seize the day.

THE FINE FIVE - ROBIN WILLIAMS EDITION (FOUR LESS KNOWN MOMENTS, AND A BEST OF COLLECTION):

(1) Robin Williams as Mime Jerry, a mine instructor who works with an on-the-lam Bobcat Goldthwait in Shakes the Clown:

(2) His appearance in Whose Line Is It Anyway? was magical; here he is working with the gang on the segment "Scenes from a Hat":

(3) Robin appeared on We Are Most Amused in 2008, where - after being introduced by John Cleese - goes full-throttle political with his own comedic twist:

(4) His performance of King of the Moon (OK, King of Everything) in The Adventures of Baron Munchausen was over the top (in more ways than one):

(5) Ten amazing movie moments; how many have you seen?

CAMPAIGN 2016 NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Slate: "Did Donald Trump Really Get the “Biggest Ovation” in Iowa? No, and It Wasn’t Even Close" - I was told there would be no math.

FACEPALM NEWS OF THE DAY:

From NPR: "Winner Of French Scrabble Title Does Not Speak French" - Fries. Dressing. Bread. Kiss. Toast. And to drink - ta da! - Peru!

FLORIDA NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Washington Post: "Police: Gunshot victim dropped off at Florida Wal-Mart" - Low, low prices on medical care.

WEIRD NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Plymouth Herald: "Startled horse smashes up young driver's first car, rider disappears" - Pinto? Mustang? Not Ram tough, that's for sure.

SPORTS NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Deadspin: "There's A Not-So-Hidden Message In The ACC Football Media Guide" - Nope, nothing to see here. Move along!

VIDEO OF THE DAY:

The best 153 minutes of your life you can spend. Ever. From Inside The Actors Studio, 2001.

MUSIC VIDEO OF THE DAY:
Melodysheep, "Seize the Day"