Ogemaw Would Gain From West Branch Games

"Olympics" is actually a Greek term which means, "lotsa money up for grabs."

After seeing how much cash can be transfused into a community through the Olympics, I think Ogemaw County should bid to host The Games.

Some may scoff at this suggestion. To build the proper facilities - such as areas for the bobsled and luge runs, and mountains for the ski jumps - would take lotsa money.

But, hey! By using the proper planning, along with existing buildings and sites, I think the Olympiad of Ogemaw would be a rousing success.

To add a little local flair, we could have Olympic athletes compete in exhibition contests unique to our area. For instance:

Alpine Road Kill: Athletes score points for nailing deer, turkey, possum and other stray animals crossing county roads. Additional points are awarded for the dollar amount of car or truck damage.

Speed Houghton Avenue: Police officers have to ticket as many downtown West Branch drivers as possible in a 24-hour period.

Do The Loop: A timed test of driving skill, the goal is to pull in and out of every business on "Hamburger Hill" without hitting other cars.

Weekend Weightlifting: This is a two-day, combined event featuring "Schnapps Shots" and the ever-popular "12-Ounce Curls." Whoever passes out first after each event wins. The Gold Medal will be awarded at the Ogemaw County Jail.

Skidway Rally: A triathalon where athletes (1) ride snowmobiles for 26.2 miles, (2) catch five dish during an ice fishing contest on Skidway Lake, and (3) bungee-jump over the Rifle River.

The Games can open with a parade down Houghton Avenue, to M-55, to M-33, to Rose City, and back to West Branch. It can be a combination parade and marathon event.

Leading the parade can be the Official Mascot of the West Branch Games, "Smiley" - a man wearing a costume depicting the water tower near the I-75 business loop.

After 19 hours of political speeches proclaiming what a great moment in history The Games are, we will let them begin. And Ogemaw County can rake in major bucks.

We could use it.

This article originally appeared in the Ogemaw County Herald.