Praying for Knowledge

One of the Internet memes bouncing its way around Facebook right now focuses on prayer in school, and is inherently flawed in multiple ways.

First, let's take a look-see at the post in question:

After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said: 

"Let me see if I've got this right. 

"You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning. 

"You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride. 

"You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job. 

"You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams. 

"You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card. 

"You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps. 

"You want me to do all this, and then you tell me...... 

"I CAN'T PRAY?" 

This was nominated for email of the year - DE

As I mentioned at the top of this commentary, there are several flagrant flaws with this post.First, it operates on the presumption that PRAYER is not allowed in schools. (Since the post neglects to clarify if this alleged conversation took place in a public or private school setting, let's assume we're focusing on the public school system.) Which is a ludicrous position. Teachers, students, administrators, and anyone else on public school property are allowed to pray whenever they wish.What they cannot do, however, is pray in a manner that would coerce anyone, knowingly or unknowingly, to participate as well. It isn't prayer that is forbidden, it's organized prayer.

According to Americans United, The U.S. Supreme Court has been vigilant in forbidding public schools and other agencies of the government to interfere with Americans' constitutional right to follow their own consciences when it comes to religion. In 1962, the justices ruled that official prayer had no place in public education.

This decision is widely misunderstood today. The court did not rule that students are forbidden to pray on their own; the justices merely said that government officials had no business composing a prayer for students to recite. The Engel v. Vitale case came about because parents in New York challenged a prayer written by a New York education board. These Christian, Jewish and Unitarian parents did not want their children subjected to state-sponsored devotions. The high court agreed that the scheme amounted to government promotion of religion.

A second flaw goes along with the initial point, the presumption that RELIGION or RELIGIOUS DISCUSSION are not allowed in public schools. The same points I brought up from Americans United apply here. The high court has made it clear, time and again, that objective study about religion in public schools is legal and appropriate. Many public schools offer courses in comparative religion, the Bible as literature or the role of religion in world and U.S. history. As long as the approach is objective, balanced and non-devotional, these classes present no constitutional problem.

When I was teaching British Literature, I frequently brought Christian theology into the discussion as reference points when presenting works such as Beowulf and The Canterbury Tales. There's no way around it, to be honest. Chaucer's work, for example, is based entirely on the premise of a religious pilgrimage from London to the shrine of St. Thomas Becket at Canterbury Cathedral which involved a number of Catholic representatives, such as a nun, priest, friar, parson, monk, summoner, and pardoner. To understand not only their roles, but the purpose of the entire 70-mile pilgrimage, I believe my students needed to understand completely the context of who they were and what their purpose was. Religious discussion was paramount.

Further, to discuss events of the Medieval, Renaissance, Restoration and Elizabethan eras, such discussion was critical. Whether the topic of literature focused on the Protestant-Catholic split in English leadership, the various Crusades, the Black Plague, or many other events throughout Europe and England, it was imperative to incorporate the various religious viewpoints and perceptions into the mix. How can one discuss Mary Shelley's Frankenstein without delving into the question of religion (man playing God by creating a living creation certainly flies in the face of conventional religious ideals)? I believe such immersion fosters a better understanding of not only the literature and world in which the literature was created, but how this impacts today's society.

In my debate program, we often have topics come up that have religious angles to them. Current events - from Obamacare to abortion to physician-assisted suicide - frequent the debate issues, with philosophical conversations (often tinged with religious viewpoints) abound. It is part of the discussion; it can not - and should not - be prevented from being a part of the classroom.

Finally, if a prospective teacher, upon finishing a job interview, had the audacity to make all of these claims, I'd be hard pressed to understand why he or she chose to go into education, or at least into the public sector of education. (And, to be honest, if I were an administrator and heard those words coming out of a potential hire's mouth, I'd be apt to shuffle his or her resume to the bottom of the pile.)

Yes, I'm taking this meme far too literally. I realize what it is trying to say. But as an educator, I take an extremely dim view of what is presented here. It implies our teacher education programs have done a horrid job of preparing future teachers for the school environment. Or that prospective teacher hires are unable or unwilling to actually do the job. Or that new-to-the-profession educators have absolutely no concept of how the SCOTUS "Establishment Clause" ruling impacts prayer and/or religion in the public schools.

Whoever nominated this for "email of the year" needs a better education about religion. And about public education.

When Bad Things Happen to Good People

In general, 2012 will go down in Gabaland as a pretty decent year.

But it sure didn't start out that way. In fact, 2012 started as a really bad nightmare. One of those "Seriously, what the fuck just hit me?" moments that dragged me down to the deepest seas of depression I have tasted in years.

That's what the loss of one of your best friends can do.

RIP, Dr. Robert Mills, dentist extraordinaire. January 5, 2012, was a shot to the gut, a sleepless-euducing stab to my soul. It was, in a way, my - and my group of friends' - first real brush with mortality.

It was ... unlike any other death I have experienced.

When I got the news that evening, around 6 pm, from my brother, I kept it together. Somehow. Charles did a good job of telling me the news, I suppose (I mean, is there ever a really good way to broach the subject?), and I sat at my dining room table, numb. It was totally out of the blue. He opened with the traditional, "Are you sitting down?" which, as you are more than aware, is rarely followed by an emotionally uplifting statement. After what seemed a decade of awkward silence, Charles told me the news.

We spoke for about five minutes or so; Charles offered to call other friends of mine in the area who knew Rob. I thanked him for that. After we hung up, I knew I still needed to talk to someone (well, a bunch of someones), and the first I called was my mom, who was nearby in Boca Raton for the winter. She could tell something was wrong; I blurted out, "Rob's dead," and then as I tried to tell her more, the tears just started gushing. It was only the second time I've really, really cried over someone's death, the first being my dad's in 1988. I don't think I even cried at any of my grandparents' deaths ... and if I did, it was nowhere near my reaction to the loss of Rob.

The talk with my mom was followed by phone conversations with several Michigan friends who were part of the circle, including Jon Gold and Mark Mosesso. We were all in shock. We spoke in somber tones, about the pain we were feeling, the pain his family was going through. We discussed some of the happier moments we had together, from the Sunday morning softball games and adventures on bowling alleys to Rob's taking over running the Pontiac Silverdome concession stand for me over one Thanksgiving weekend when I was out of town. I'm pretty sure my horrid rendition of Barenaked Ladies' "If I Had $1,000,000" at his wedding reception in 1999 probably came up as well.

Jon asked if I was going to be coming up for the funeral, which was taking place that Sunday. I told him I wasn't going to be able to fly in to Detroit, that I wasn't able to make the funeral. But I vowed to make sure my upcoming summer vacation in Michigan would allow me to spend some quality time with his wife, Jodi, and their two young children (which I did, in July, and again - for a bit - over Thanksgiving). Meanwhile, I spent a lot of time on Facebook and the phone the next few weeks with family and friends, all of us checking to make sure we were doing at least passably alright. And I did talk with Jodi several times as well.

Not that it always worked. From my January 14, 2012, Facebook page:

Eight days. Still experiencing moments of tears and general welled-up eyes, mixed with fond memories and random moments of Barney Rubble-intoned laughter (watch Better Off Dead, you'll understand). Haven't really been able to fully focus on things at work, though. Yeah, I've noticed it; there's a ton of things in preparation for the debate tourney we are hosting the 14th (which is today, now, I guess), that I haven't jumped on like I normally would, or have completely blown off or forgotten about. Not good. I'd punch a wall if I were a violent sort (or didn't really care about not having the ability to type for a while). I need to get my shit together.

Sigh.

One of my favorite moments with Rob resulted in his meeting his future wife, Jodi. We were out to dinner one Friday night at one of my old stomping grounds, Chi-Chi's Mexican Restaurant. Our stay lasted about 20 minutes, most of which was spent waiting at our booth for someone - anyone - to come and greet us. After about 15 minutes of waiting in what was essentially an empty restaurant, our waitress finally swung by and asked if we were ready to order. We asked to see the manager instead, and upon doing so, expressed our displeasure in the long wait, and we were about to leave. The manager said she understood, asked us to wait a minute, disappeared, and returned with a voucher for dinner "on the house" the next time we were there. We thanked her, left, and ended up finding an amazing Middle Eastern restaurant that had just opened up instead (one which we frequented quite often after that night). When we got back to the Oak Park house my sister and I were renting, Miriam was there with Jodi, having returned from watching a movie (Fargo ... I think). They hit it off, and the rest, as they say, is history.

(Sidebar: Rob and I went back to Chi-Chi's a week later to use our freebee dinner option, because we were worried if we waited too long, the manager would have left, and we'd be without said option. We were seated in the middle of the restaurant, where the floor was an epic disaster of crayons, crackers, and other restaurant paraphernalia. We asked our hostess - and, when he arrived, our waiter - if they could get the floor cleaned. Several times. Forty-five minutes later, when the cleanup still hadn't been done, and our comment card had already been filled out, our waiter informed us our dinner was just about ready. We inquired again, and our waiter responded, quite seriously, "Well, I asked the bus boys, but no one really wanted to do it." Rob's jaw hit the table as I gave an absolutely blank stare back at our server. The waiter went back to get our food, and I left to go flag down the manager (a different one from before). I showed him the letter, explained in clear language our visit from the previous week, expanded the extremely animated one-way conversation by presenting what had just transpired, and calmly declared, "Once we were finished dining, we will leave through the front doors, and never frequent this establishment again!" He nodded and quickly disappeared to the back of the restaurant; literally 15 seconds later, our server and the entire bus crew came out with floor vacuums in hand and cleaned the entire area.)

(No, we never went back.)

Shortly after Rob's death, I received a book in the mail from my cousin Robbi Laker-Tall in Phoenix called, "How to Survive the Loss of a Love," by Melba Colgrove, Harold Bloomfield and Peter McWilliams. Her note, attached with lots of hugs, said, in part, "You mentioned the loss of a friend ... and it truly hit my heart. Losses & vulnerabilities about life are common pains. So I chose to send you a book that has been awesome hugs throughout my years. Open to any page & feel my hugs."

So I did. And have continued to do so, on a regular basis the past year. Just randomly opened a page and took in the words of wisdom, of comfort, of reflection. (The entire text, as I've discovered, is also on-line - see the link above - but I think it works better as a "pick up the book and flip to a page" sort of thing, personally.)

I have also turned to Rabbi Harold Kushner's 1978 book "When Bad Things Happen To Good People," which was released two years after "How to Survive the Loss of a Love." This is something I have turned to occasionally since my father passed away in 1988. Both have given me, at times, a sense of understanding, of trying to make sense out of seemingly irrational events.

What they have not done is bring closure to the emptiness in my heart. Nor did I expect them to.

The last time I saw Rob was over Thanksgiving 2011. It was my last night in town during a somewhat short holiday visit, and I managed to spent about 30 minutes with him, Jodi and their two children. It was the usual banter of inside humor mixed with the standard inquiries about family, the workplace, and school. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Then came the phone call six weeks later.

Sigh.

A year ago, today, I lost a good friend, a true mensch in every sense of the word. A year later, and not a day goes by I don't think of Rob and his family, and pray for all of them. Let He who makes peace in the heavens, grant peace to all of us and to all Israel. Let us say, Amen.

From "Russia," With "Love"

A few weeks ago - right before Christmas - I was messaged by a member of the female population on Facebook. Now, this has happened on occasion, but there was something ... intriguing ... about this particular message, which read as follows:

hello how are you Doing???Am barbara and am single searching for my Soul mate, are you Single looking for the same thing like i do. i am a good christian religious woman and i am not a woman that drink or smoke i am gently going woman.Inbox me here..{email address removed by me} and you Can also drop me Your number, and ill txt you...am online now, let chat..drop me your Email address...hope to hear from you soon.

I don't know about you, but it's this kind of unsolicited commentary of passion that makes me proud to be a member of the human race. The excellent grammar. The overabundance of unneeded punctuation, juxtaposed with the strange implementation of occasional capitalization. It just turns me on!

Not.

Welcome to yet another spin on the financial scam, a variation of the Nigerian Letter Scam that permeated the Internet world in the mid-to-late 2000s. Here's how it works, guys: A "female" (in quotes, for a reason) connects via Facebook or another social networking site (or even a dating site such as Match.com), and very quickly becomes very sentimental and romantic with you. She will usually claim she's from Kiev, or Russia, or Estonia, or another part of the former Soviet bloc (hence, the outstanding King's English in the previously-noted communication). She will send explicit photographs or videos (usually via email) that are allegedly of her. Eventually, she claims she is in "dire need" of finances for a hospital operation, to pay debtors, for the plane ticket to come and see you (i.e., sleep with you, marry you, be your arm candy, whatever), etc. After first convincing you that she loves you and then pleading with you for her life for money, just this once, promise!, you give it to her and suddenly never hear word from her again.

Or ... replace "money" with "immigration." Women from Nigeria and Eastern Europe have been known to actually hold long term distance relationships with desperate men and marry them in their own country with the intent of obtaining visas that allow them to work in countries such as the U.S.

I knew this going in; this was not the first time I've been hit up by an Internet scammer. A while ago, I was contacted by someone through an online dating site, and struck up a month-long communication with her. (How long ago was it? I was still living in Stuart, Florida at the time!) As my friend Chris Grindrod can attest (since I shared the humorous exchange of emails), it was a strange combination of dark humor, sad depression, and boredom on my end. I've since lost the original chain of communication (such is life when a computer hard drive crashes), but thanks to the magic of the Internet, I was able to find several websites dedicated to long-distance dating scams, such as StopScammers.com and DelphiFAQ.com, with variations of the emails I received during that month.

A typical exchange went something like this:

"Svetlana"

i like your profile sounds interest to me. I like to say you sound like are a very good man and I'm sure that most ladies would like to write you or go out with you and have fun, but I'm not here to do the same. I'm a "one man lady" and I don't like one night stands and it's very hard to find a descent man on line. What can I say,that you haven't heard a hundred times before from different ladies that will make you see the difference in me ? And what can I do to make you believe in me that I am for real,not here to play games? Well..I believe the only way,is to show it but the problems now,how can it happen cos of distance?.your profile sound very pretty, loving, romantic and kindhearted and I wish I could find a loyal and caring man for life.

About me,I was raised by my Gramma I am an out going lady and I believe that a woman should bring something to the table when she approaches a man So I bring a kind.heart,honesty,respect,loyalty and devotion. I'm looking for a loyal man,a best friend,a partner, a lover, my soul mate and would like to end up one day in a long term relationship with beautiful kids and a good man/husband/father. I don't have any kids and am very much single....... I'm a Christian,I believe in God, I'm a good listener,love romance and cooking, I'm not into drugs or Alcohol I enjoy occasionally to have a drink or two but never go over the limits of getting drunk and always end up taking my friends after going out,I love the nature,the ocean, rain, sunsets.... and all the outdoor fun, .... but most of all I love to spend time with a man that I love and it doesn't matter if it is at home or going shopping or having dinner/movie or I like a man with good sense of Humor,easy going,enjoying the simple but handsome which you are... thinks life has to offer,I Love life but like to go through all what life has to over with someone special.I need someone to share my life with.Life is too short and pressies and we all need someone,a special one . Maybe it's You???? Tell me more about you,why are u still single.. what your experience on dating on line and do you believe in on line dating?Am only asking this cos am new to dating on line and i must tell you that you are the first person am sending an email.I would like to find out, by getting to know You more and by starting a new Friendship ?? and see were the road of life called Destiny can take us.

Paul

(Immediately after scanning the broken English commentary - most likely obtained by using Google Translate or something - checking out the four or five model-type photos that were attached to the email):

"Oh my god you are so fucking hot!"

(Hit "send" and return to doing whatever was on the agenda for the evening - like watching hockey.)

"Svetlana"

Hello!!! It was very nice to receive a message from you!

it is my first time I try to correspondence with man in internet world.

I do hope you will be enough patient to understand my writing.

I want you to know that I have only good intentions and I don`t have big secrets. The thing is that I will work abroad for three months or so and I would like to meet a nice man to be my guideor just be good friend to spend time with.I think that it is hard enough to live in foreign town without friends and also I have never been abroad. I am from so small town here in Rusian Federation,I am afraid to be lost.

I want to see real life and it is impossible to see without person who knows all sides of the life. It doesn`t matter what age is he or what is his eyes color, I just want to know that he is kind and open-hearted inside.

I don't want to live in Rusian Federation because I have not any chances here,it is hardly possible to explain it by the first time but I want you to know my plans. In Russia many young girls also want to start a new life abroad, so many of them used a special program "W ork and travel" for young people who wants to work abroad. I also decided to do so and to use it. This program just helps to register documents and gives suitable work in any state(town)of USA, Canada or Europa (or other big country) . I just need to choose.I already started to register documents and now I need to decide in which city I want to work.

I`m 26 years old and I`m not afraid of work (I shall work as the seller in shop or cafe of a fast food).

I think it is the right way for me, I am lost here, and I think that I look pretty enough to find a better place. I never been abroad so I decided to find a friend abroad and make his city to be my destination. I want to repeat the same way,it is my only chance to change my life.

I am full of plans and different dreams.

I have brown hair and green eyes. I think I look very good, but first of all I want to be beautiful inside.

I do hope that you will be not disappointed to meet me in the real life if we will meet.

Well,I will close this letter and I do hope to get your reply.

I will leave my town in a few days or so (I can't tell you everything exactly right now) and I would like to be sure that I have a man who waits for me there. I will work all day and I would like to find a man to spend all free time together to get to know each other better.

if you have any interest to meet me I will be more than happy to meet you too. My be it sounds silly but I just don't want to be alone in the evenings,and I want to be sure in advance that somebody waits for me!

I think that my e-mail starts to be too long so I will tell you all details about me and my life that you would like to know in next e-mails if you will like my pictures and will want to meet me! I send my photos.

Pics are made in streets of my city!

With best regards Svetlana! (this is my real name)

P.S

I hope it's OK with you and I will receive an answer from you!

I'm responding from my private email address.

I hope I'm your type of girl, I'm not sure you like Slavic appearance!! I hope so!

OK, I will wait for your answer. When I hear back from you I will write more things about myself and send more pics!

The language arts and grammar teacher in me died a little bit each day reading these exchanges.

Surprisingly, the "relationship" (term used as loosely as the word "female" in quotes previously) failed to really gain any traction, given my skepticism on the entire exchange. Seriously, I may be "single" and "male" (two things that, in combination, make one an easy target for such scams, I suppose), but I wasn't born yesterday. During the daily trading of emails (her Kafkaesque novellas, my single-sentence responses), I did some researching online, and found a treasure trove of information on scammers. Surprisingly (at least, surprisingly to me) was the information gleaned from the Arizona-based mail-order bridge site A Foreign Affair, which addresses the topic very effectively. Another site, the Texas-based Russian Dating Scams, goes into even more detail. In fact, there are entire web sites set up and dedicated solely to keep you informed about the scams and how they operate.

Sadly, for all the photos Svetlana sent me, she was unable to send any with that day's newspaper in her hands, the date of publication clearly visible. And she claimed ignorance when I translated my own responses into Slovak using that very same Google Translate to write such witty commentaries like, "I know you are a scammer! I've already discovered your photos were stolen from other websites!" (The translation, by the way, reads as follows: "Viem, že ste podvodník! Už som zistil vaše fotografie boli ukradnuté z iných webových stránok!")

But this didn't stop her from trying her hardest, bless her soul. She begged for money to come visit. Lots of money. Offered me the chance to do a wire transfer through Western Union. (Apparently, she was under the impression that high school teachers in the United States are financially loaded.) Alas, all good things must come to an end, and soon I was but a distant memory, unable to be swayed to swoop her from her miserable life in Eastern Europe into the US of A.

Basically, she blew me off. No big loss.

There were a few other women - a "Tatyana", a "Tatiana," a "Tanya" - who tried the same thing. Amazingly, they all used the same flowery, poetic language (and variations on the same name), and sent me an array of photos (most likely, all stolen from other Internet sites). None came away with any cash, though.

Oh, well. Guess I'll not be hosting a visitor from overseas any time soon. At least, not one who wants me for my money.