The “Wall Street Banker Adoption Program” desperately needs your charitable assistance. With protesters marching on Wall Street, now is the time for us to show the world just how much we really care. What those CEOs are forced to endure - it’s just not right!
Hundreds of high roller bankers in our very own country are living at or just below the CEO seven-figure salary poverty line. And as if that weren’t bad enough, they may be deprived of pay for several weeks - possibly a whole year! For example, Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan has seen his bank's stock halved since the start of 2011.
But now you can help!
For only about $5,000 a day, you can help keep an impoverished banker economically viable during his (or her) time of need.
$5,000 a day may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to a Wall Street banker it could mean the difference between a vacation spent golfing in bug-infested Florida or a life-renewing Mediterranean cruise.
For you, $5,000 is nothing more than two months rent or mortgage payments. But to a banker paid for by money looted through toxic mortgages, trading debacles and derivative madness, $5,000 a day won’t even replace the average CEO salary, and they certainly can’t be expected to survive on Congressional assistance anymore.
Your commitment of only $5,000 a day will enable a Wall Street tycoon to buy that HDTV home entertainment center, trade in the ratty year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a well deserved weekend in Rio.
“How will I really know that I am helping?”
Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the banker you sponsor. Detailed information about his (or her) stocks, bonds, 401-k, real estate and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. You’ll also get information on how s/he plans to invest the $50 million and-of-year bonus s/he will receive in 2012.
“How will s/he know that I am helping?”
Your banker will be told that s/he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the banker won’t care to know your name, s/he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator just in case additional funds are needed for unexpected expenses.
Simply fill out the form below.
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YES, I want to help! I would like to sponsor a Starving Wall Street Banker. My preference is checked below:
[ ] CEO
[ ] COO
[ ] Senior Advisor*
[ ] Executive Officer**
[ ] Chairman of the Board***
[ ] I'll sponsor a banker most in need.
* Higher cost
** Much higher cost
*** Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a specific banker.
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Please charge the account listed below $5,000 (plus all applicable taxes he may have to pay) per day for a Wall Street banker for the duration of the financial crisis.
Please send me a picture of the banker I have sponsored, along with a bank logo, a Gordon Gekko poster, and my very own Wall Street Trader ID badge to wear proudly on my lapel.
[ ] MasterCard
[ ] Visa
[ ] American Express
[ ] Discover Card
[ ] Diner's Club
Your Name: __________________________________
Telephone Number: ____________________________
Account Number: ______________ Exp. Date: ______
Signature: ____________________________________
Mail completed form to Wall Street Banker Adoption Program (dba/Greedy Wall Street Saviors, Inc.), or call 1-900-GRD-GOOD now to enroll by phone.
Note: Sponsors are not permitted to contact the banker they have sponsored, either in person or by other means including, but not limited to, telephone calls, letters, fax, e-mail, or third parties. Keep in mind that the banker you have sponsored will be much too busy enjoying his/her free time to be bothered talking to you, thanks to your generous donations.
Legal: This contract will be enforced to the full extent of the law and is binding upon your heirs for the duration of the banker's life. The IRS has ruled that these contributions are not tax deductible.
