The Bullpen of Death

THE FINE FIVE:

(1) During last night's Tigers-Orioles game, which Detroit won 9-8, Detroit News sports columnist Bob Wojnowski dubbed the Tiger's relief corps "The Bullpen of Death." The Tigers led 7-0 and 9-2 before succumbing to victory despite the late innings implosion.

If you thought this Tigers game was over when they led the O's 9-2, you're drunk. Tigers lead 9-7, and the Bullpen of Death is in.

— Bob Wojnowski (@bobwojnowski) July 31, 2015

This has been a constant throughout the year, and will only get worse with the trades of starter David Price (to Toronto) and reliever Joakim Soria (to Pittsburgh). Tonight, Detroit took a 6-0 lead into the fifth inning, then allowed eight straight runs by Baltimore; the Tigers fought back, but lost 8-7.

Look for a lot of high-scoring games the rest of the year.

(2) Hasta la vista, Yoenis Cespedes. The popular Detroit outfielder, picked up in a trade with Boston over the winter (with relief pitcher Alex Wilson) for starting pitcher Rick Porcello, was dealt this afternoon right before the non-waiver trade deadline to the New York Mets for two prospects. I'm hopeful Detroit will pick the free agent up again after the season; Cespedes has indicated he relishes the idea.

(3) It's still better to be a Detroit Tigers fan than a Miami Marlins fan, though. I don't need to dignify this with an explanation. Ever.

(4) I'm visiting family in Tampa this weekend. I'd forgotten how boring the drive between Yeehaw Junction and Tampa can be; I hadn't forgotten that there would be a ton of thunderstorms on the four-hour drive from West Palm Beach to Tampa. I managed to hit three different intense storm cells along the way. Because Florida summers.

(5) The U.S. Coast Guard has suspended its search for two 14-year-old teens who have been missing for over a week now. This has been a sad and painful story. I feel horribly for the families impacted by this entire situation. There's still a lot of prayer and hope, but like Red opined in The Shawshank Redemption, hope is a dangerous thing ...

CAMPAIGN 2016 NEWS OF THE DAY:

From CBS News: "Five reasons Hillary Clinton isn't sweating Bernie Sanders (yet)" - Yet.

Rob: What did Laura mean last night when she said, "I haven't slept with him yet." Yet! What does "yet" mean anyway? It means you're gonna do it, doesn't it? Or does it?
[Next scene]
Rob: [To Barry] Just come on. What would it mean to you, that sentence: I haven't seen Evil Dead II yet?
Barry: Well, to me it would mean that you're a liar. You've seen it twice. Once with Laura -oops- and once with me and Dick, remember? We had that conversation about the guy making Beretta shotgun ammo off-screen in the 14th century.
Rob: Right, all right. But let's just say that I hadn't seen it and I said to you, "I haven't seen Evil Dead II yet", what would you think?
Barry: I'd think that you're a cinematic idiot and I'd feel sorry for you.
Rob: All right. But from that one sentence, would you think that I was going to see it?
Barry: I'm sorry, Rob. I'm struggling here. You're asking me what would I think if you told me you hadn't seen a film that you have already seen. What am I supposed to say?
Rob: Just listen to me. If I said to you-
Barry: "I haven't seen Evil Dead II yet", yes.
Rob: Would you get the impression that I really wanted to see it?
Barry: Oh, uh, well you couldn't have been desperate to see it, otherwise you'd have already gone.
Rob: Right, I'm not gonna see that movie.
Barry: [pause] But the word "yet". Yeah, you know what? I'd get the impression that you wanted to see it otherwise you'd have said you didn't wanna go.
Rob: But in your opinion, would I definitely go?
Barry: How the fuck am I supposed to know?! Probably!
Rob: Why?
Barry: Because it's a brilliant film. It's so funny, and violent, and the soundtrack kicks fucking ass. I never thought I'd say this, but can I go work now?

FACEPALM NEWS OF THE DAY:

From USA Today: "Flight has to return to airport because ground crew forgot to unload luggage" - Oops.

FLORIDA NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Daily Commercial: "DUI arrest puts end to burger run" - I like mine with lettuce and tomato, Heinz 57 and French fried potatoes, big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer.

WEIRD NEWS OF THE DAY:

From 14 News: "Tax warrants against 7-year-old Pike Co. girl" - The IRS is intent on resolving the federal debt.

SPORTS NEWS OF THE DAY:

From TMZ: "'Rowdy' Roddy Piper Dies at 61 From Cardiac Arrest" - Meeting the Original Undertaker. RIP, RRP.

VIDEO OF THE DAY:

"The people that know you don't really like you anyway."

MUSIC VIDEO OF THE DAY:
Proclaimers, "500 Miles (I'm Gonna Be)"

The Fister of Goodness

Hasta la vista, David Price. It was a fun 364 days with you donning the Olde English D.

Price - a free agent at the end of the year - was traded to the Toronto Blue Jays today for three minor league pitching prospects, as part of what the team has described as "rebooting" the roster.

I anticipate Price's stay north of the border will last until the winter, when he will sign a long-term deal (probably in the six years/$200 million range) with the Chicago Cubs and be reunited with his former manager, Joe Maddon.

During his stay in the Motor City, the Tigers went 82-81; not the record owner Mike Ilitch, general manager David Dombrowski, manager Brad Ausmus, or the bevy of Tigers Nation fans were hoping for. But much of this was for reasons beyond his control.

In his 32 starting assignments, Price went 13-8 with a stellar 2.90 earned run average. He struck out 220 batters in his 223.2 innings on the mound, and had a 1.122 WHIP (that's walks and hits per inning) ratio. And, of course, he represented Detroit as a 2015 American League All-Star.

His only real problem games with Detroit came in two starts against the New York Yankees. Last August 27, the Yankees scored eight times in the third inning, beating Detroit 8-4; this past April 22, New York beat the Tigers 13-4, scoring eight against Price in the first two innings. Remove those two starts, and Price went 13-6 with a 2.30 ERA while a Tiger.

I foresee good things for Price as a Blue Jay, as long as he learns to handle the Yankees.

What people seem to forget - or at least gloss over - is that the Tigers traded for Price last July as a trade-deadline response to the singularly worst deal Dombrowski has made while Tigers GM. That, of course, being the December 2013  of Doug Fister to the Washington Nationals for infielder Steve Lombardozzi, left-hander Ian Krol and minor league lefty Robbie Ray. Lombardozzi lasted until the spring of 2014 before being dealt away. Last December, Ray was dealt to the Arizona Diamondbacks in a three-team trade that brought Shane Greene to the Tigers. Krol has been a major disappointment (1-3, 5.15 ERA, 1.697 WHIP the past two years), and Greene - after a strong April - has imploded (4-8, 6.72 ERA).

Meanwhile, Fister was good. Real good. He went 16-6 with a 2.41 ERA with Washington in 2014, finishing eighth in the National League Cy Young Award voting.

That's a bad transaction - so bad, in fact, that a number of Detroit fans (this one included) still point at the Fister trade as the beginning of the end of the current Tigers era. Even Detroit winning the American League Central Division for a fourth consecutive year in 2014 didn't change that view.

But wait, there's more! The money saved by trading Fister led to Detroit signing closer Joe Nathan, who was supposed to be a bullpen anchor. Instead, he stunk (5-4, 4.81 ERA, 35 saves, 7 blown saves, and a 1.534 WHIP) in 2014, and the Tigers sunk (worse bullpen in the major leagues).

In order to try and rectify the situation, Detroit, Tampa Bay and Seattle pulled off a three-way trade last July, with Price coming to Detroit and Fister's replacement in the rotation, Drew Smyly, heading to Tampa Bay. While this was an upgrade, it didn't solve the glaring Tigers bullpen issues. A year later, those problems still exist, and the starting rotation has been abysmal as well. (Mind you, part of that is also because the Tigers chose not to re-sign Max Scherzer this past off-season.)

So for the first time in a decade, the Tigers are trade deadline sellers, not buyers. Price is gone. Outfielders Yoenis Cespedis and Rajai Davis, starting pitcher Alfredo Simon, catcher Alex Avila, and  relief pitcher Joakim Soria will also likely be gone by the time August 1 arrives.

Now, Dombrowski works his magic. This winter, assuming he is back (he's a free agent, too), he will ply his trade and bring in a few notable free agents. And in 2016, the retooled - rebooted - Detroit Tigers will take the field.

I feel like a Cubs fan. Wait 'til next year!

CAMPAIGN 2016 NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Daily Beast: "The Missing Hillary Emails No One Can Explain" - She must have subscribed to Comcast for two months.

FACEPALM NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Washington Post: "Tennessee man faces gun charges after asking to see White House" - "The officer saw a propane tank in back of the truck and what appeared to be an ammunition box. Police searched the vehicle and reported finding a .44-caliber revolver, unloaded and in a holster, a .22-caliber rifle with a scope, a 7mm rifle, a knife with a 12-inch blade, ammunition boxes filled with hundreds of rounds and three percussion caps." Nothing about lion poaching, though.

FLORIDA NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Raw Story: "Florida official mocked online after misrepresenting ‘third world’ sewage issue with Haiti picture" - Florida politicians, spewing garbage out of their mouths.

WEIRD NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Mirror: "Most ridiculous 999 call ever? Time-waster calls police wanting cat arrested for eating his bacon" - Because bacon.

SPORTS NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Deadspin: "Taste Roger Goodell's Wrath With Our NFL Punishment Generator" - I long for the days of two minutes by myself, in the box, feeling shame. Oh, wait, that's hockey!

VIDEO OF THE DAY:

Might be a Tennessee man asking to see the White House.

MUSIC VIDEO OF THE DAY:

"Refugee," Melissa Etheridge

Rebooting

THE FINE FIVE:

(1) And like that, the Detroit Tigers are sellers at the trade deadline, not buyers. Or, as Dave Dombrowski said, they are "rebooting" for 2016. Here's who I anticipate no longer being in Detroit come Saturday: starting pitchers David Price and Alfredo Simon, outfielder Yoenis Cespedis, outfielder Rajai Davis, and catcher Alex Avila. It's also possible that relief pitcher Joakim Soria will be gone, too. Here's to racing with Cleveland to place last in the American League Central!

(2) August and September are going to be long, lonely months for the Tigers faithful. But at least Justin Verlander appears to be back in form, and J.D. Martinez will be fun to watch!

(3) It could be worse. It could be the Miami Marlins. Whose management and ownership I despise with a passion. And whose stadium I despise even more. Yeah, I wrote about that four years ago. Is it that hard to believe since moving to Florida in 1999, I've witnessed baseball games in Tampa, Cleveland, Chicago, Milwaukee, Baltimore, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, and Detroit, but have yet to watch a Marlins home game?

(4) Meanwhile, SportsNet just posted a wonderful "inside look" at the to-be-constructed new Detroit Red Wings arena. Yeah, I'm excited, too!

(5) Football season is just around the corner ...

CAMPAIGN 2016 NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The WashingtonPost: "Ted Cruz bullied Republicans for years. Now they’re standing up to him." - How about them anti-bullying measures?

FACEPALM NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Daily Mail: "'I just wanted them to look normal': Woman is left with lopsided breasts after NHS surgeons bungled boob job FOUR times" - Define "normal," please.

FLORIDA NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Real Clear Politics: "Walker Tells Private Group He'll Skip Florida Primary" - If you can't beat Bush or Rubio in their home state, don't join them.

WEIRD NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Defense One: "The Military Will Test a New Terrifyingly Loud Noise Gun" - It will be incredibly loud. WHAT???

SPORTS NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Washington Post: "NFL Films: Putting a positive spin on dreadful Redskins seasons since 1992" - But did they go Owen 16? No! Deal with that, Washington!

VIDEO OF THE DAY:

Coming to America, not starting Eddie Murphy

MUSIC VIDEO OF THE DAY:

ZZ Top, "Sharp Dressed Man"

RIP, Cecil

THE FINE FIVE:

(1) Cecil the Lion was shot with an arrow, tracked for up to 40 hours, and then shot and killed with a rifle. I hope Walter Palmer - the poacher, because I refuse to call him a hunter - who shot and killed Cecil suffers a long, painful, horrible life. Even better, I hope the Minnesota dentist who poached the lion for $55k is extradited  to Zimbabwe and spends some time in jail there. And by "some" I mean " the rest of his life."

(2) Here is a link to a petition calling for justice for Cecil the Lion.

(3) Here is a video of Cecil:

(4) There's only been one man named Cecil ever to lace up the spikes for the Detroit Lions - Cecil Souders, who played end for the Pontiac Pussycats before they even played in Pontiac. The Ohio State product was with Detroit from 1947-49.

(5) Chris Christie, apparently forgetting that entire "state's rights" thing in the U.S. Constitution, says if he is elected president, he will enforce federal laws. So you can kiss his chances good bye, because they're up in smoke.

CAMPAIGN 2016 NEWS OF THE DAY:

From CNN: "Sarah Palin serving in a Trump administration? 'I'd love that,' he says" - She's special, so special. Sounds like a pretender to me.

FACEPALM NEWS OF THE DAY:

From 24/7 Wall Street: "Customer Service Hall of Shame" - Can you guess all of the Top 10? In order? The worst? And does it even matter?

FLORIDA NEWS OF THE DAY:

From WFTS: "Video: Man joyrides through Hernando jail lawn" - Cops like donuts. Mmmmmm, donuts.

WEIRD NEWS OF THE DAY:

From CBS Detroit: "Naked Man Arrested At Grocery Store Meat Counter" - But was his salami Kosher?

SPORTS NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Indy Star: "Destroyed cell phone dooms Tom Brady's DeflateGate appeal" - He learned from Lindsey Graham. No word on whether Donald Trump called him out.

VIDEO OF THE DAY:

Wanna feel old, peeps?

MUSIC VIDEO OF THE DAY:

OK Go, "The Writing's On The Wall"

Iran, Iran So Far Away

Mike Huckabee is no idiot. Neither is Donald Trump, Rick Santorum, nor any of the other candidates vying to be the Republican Party's 2016 presidential candidate.

It's easy to rip on them for some of their outlandish comments on air, in print, and online. And it's easy to shake our heads - individually and collectively - and wonder if this is really the best we have as options from the conservative side of the political aisle.

Today's (well, yesterday's) eyebrow-raising campaign headline comes to us from the Huckabee camp, thanks to the former Arkansas governor's postulate that President Barack Obama is marching Israel “to the door of the oven” with the United States' proposed nuclear program development deal with Iran.

Here's Huckabee's full quote, said in an interview with Breitbart News' editor-in-chief Alexander Marlow:

"This president's foreign policy is the most feckless in American history. It is so naive that he would trust the Iranians. By doing so, he will take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven. This is the most idiotic thing, this Iran deal. It should be rejected by both Democrats and Republicans in Congress and by the American people. I read the whole deal. We gave away the whole store. It's got to be stopped."

The statement may have been nothing more than a calculated ploy to boost Huckabee's position among a large group of GOP candidates currently languishing in the polls, and at risk of not being included in the first Republican primary debate on August 6. Currently, only three of the 16 candidates (former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker and Trump) seem a lock to participate (only the Top 10 qualify to be on the Fox News-sponsored event). After all, Huckabee has been opposed to the deal since its inception, repeatedly slamming it as dangerous for the U.S. and Israel since even before the deal was forged.

If headlines - and a chance to thrust himself into the public eye, dispensing Trump from the honors - was what Huckabee wanted, he sure got them.

But at what cost?

The Democratic National Committee (among others, such as myself) took issue with Huckabee’s analogy to the Holocaust, saying such rhetoric “has no place in American politics.”

“Cavalier analogies to the Holocaust are unacceptable,” said DNC chair and Democratic Party Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz of Florida. “Mike Huckabee must apologize to the Jewish community and to the American people for this grossly irresponsible statement.” And the National Jewish Democratic Council immediately called on members of the Republican Party to denounce Huckabee’s comments, saying it is “not only disgustingly offensive to the President and the White House, but shows utter, callous disregard for the millions of lives lost in the Shoah and to the pain still felt by their descendants today.”

For the record, I am not expecting such denouncement to take place, given the number of GOP candidates who disagree vehemently with the terms of the Iran proposal. Nor do I disagree with his assessment that this may very well be a horrible deal.

For a number of reasons, I don't like this agreement, even though several high-ranking former Israeli security officials seem to think it could be worse (the general consensus being that this is the best agreement out of a lot of bad possibilities). Two weeks ago, I wrote about my many concerns about this topic, which is now in the hands of the United States Congress. I don't feel it goes far enough; the agreement does not include "anytime, anywhere" inspections to verify compliance, which is something I think really needs to be part of any potential compact, and which many in Congress seemed to believe would be part of any such deal. Sans such inspections, which give instant access to all possible nuclear sites in Iran, the world can't verify whether Iran is actually complying with the deal. Right now, the terms of this proposal allow for a 24-day window for U.N. inspectors to examine sites suspected of nuclear activity.

Let me tell you, a lot of things can happen in 3 1/2 weeks. I can teach Macbeth or The Crucible to high school students in that time span. I can run through an entire order of my meal replacement shakes. Heck, just last summer, I spent that much time on a 5,000-mile-long road trip that included stays in Savannah, Washington, D.C., Detroit, Cleveland, Columbus, Philadelphia, and Pittsburgh. Twenty-four days is plenty of time for things to "go missing" when it comes to suspected nuclear components that might not be in compliance with international mandates.

According to Think Progress,

The deal reached between world powers and Iran offers the proverbial carrot of lifted sanctions, which unfreezes $100 billion in Iranian assets. Should Iran violate the deal, however, those sanctions go right back in place. After five years of compliance, Iran could buy and sell conventional arms on the international market, and the same for ballistic missiles in eight years. 

The stick has to do with Iran’s nuclear capability - it agrees to curb the amount of time it takes to produce a nuclear weapon from a few months to over 10 years. Iran agreed to sell or dilute all enriched uranium it has, and also not to enrich uranium over 3.67 percent for at least 15 years. The agreement would cut the amount of Iranian low-enriched uranium from about 7,500 kilograms to 300 kilograms - a 96 percent drop. This is well below the level of concern displayed by Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu before the U.N. in 2012.

So yeah, there's a lot to be concerned about.

Rhetoric aside, Huckabee's position appears to differ from what he wrote seven years ago; he certainly seemed to indicate he was not opposed to using diplomacy to work things out with Iran in a January/February 2008 Foreign Affairs article entitled "America's Priorities in the War on Terror":

Another way to contain Iran is through diplomacy. We must be as aggressive diplomatically as we have been militarily since 9/11. We must intensify our diplomatic efforts with China, India, Russia, South Korea, and European states and persuade them to put more economic pressure on Iran. These countries have been far more interested in pursuing profit than preventing proliferation. They must realize that if the United States does end up taking military action, they will bear some responsibility for having failed to maximize peaceful options. …

Sun-tzu's ancient wisdom is relevant today: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Yet we have not had diplomatic relations with Iran in almost 30 years; the U.S. government usually communicates with the Iranian government through the Swiss embassy in Tehran. When one stops talking to a parent or a friend, differences cannot be resolved and relationships cannot move forward. The same is true for countries. The reestablishment of diplomatic ties will not occur automatically or without the Iranians' making concessions that serve to create a less hostile relationship. …

Whereas there can be no rational dealings with al Qaeda, Iran is a nation-state seeking regional clout and playing the game of power politics we understand and can skillfully pursue. We cannot live with al Qaeda, but we might be able to live with a contained Iran. Iran will not acquire nuclear weapons on my watch. But before I look parents in the eye to explain why I put their son's or daughter's life at risk, I want to do everything possible to avoid conflict. We have substantive issues to discuss with Tehran. Recent direct negotiations about Iraq have not been productive because they have not explored the full range of issues. We have valuable incentives to offer Iran: trade and economic assistance, full diplomatic relations, and security guarantees.

Don't get me wrong; the threat of a nuclear Iran is real, regardless of the language incorporated, according to American-Israeli Cooperative Enterprise Director Mitchell Bard. In a statement to MSNBC, he noted, "[Huckabee's] remark about marching the Israelis to the door of the oven was a poor choice of words, but reflects his understanding that Iran has threatened to annihilate Israel and this deal could give them the means to carry out that threat."

A poor choice, indeed. The use of incredibly insensitive language by Huckabee crossed a line, and not in a good way. It’s one thing to oppose the deal; it’s quite another to evoke the image of Jews being incinerated to try to express what I believe to be a politically-motivated objection to that deal. And as I stated earlier in this commentary, if publicity was what he wanted (and he's been languishing around the 3 percent mark among GOP voters), boy, did it work. And there's no debate about that fact.

CAMPAIGN 2016 NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The New York Times: "Bobby Jindal Calls for States to Follow Louisiana’s Example in Toughening Gun Laws" - Some example there.

FACEPALM NEWS OF THE DAY:

From ABC News: "Six seriously injured as bus roof ripped off while passing under low bridge in Lille, France" - But it worked in The Mummy Returns!

FLORIDA NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Independent Journal Review: "Check Out What One Man Did to Get Himself Banned From Starbucks…For Life" - Time to switch to Sanka.

WEIRD NEWS OF THE DAY:

From Omaha.com: "Inmate who wants to be called 'Supreme Infinite Knowledge' isn't the only prisoner to request an unusual name change" - Ummmmmmm ...

SPORTS NEWS OF THE DAY:

From MLB.com: "Writing '3-6-2' on the scorecard isn't enough to capture the weirdness of this Mariners triple play" - But it's a start.

VIDEO OF THE DAY:

Missiles. Russian missiles. Drunken Russian missiles.

MUSIC VIDEO OF THE DAY:

Queen & David Bowie, "Under Pressure"