The Bullpen of Death

THE FINE FIVE:

(1) During last night's Tigers-Orioles game, which Detroit won 9-8, Detroit News sports columnist Bob Wojnowski dubbed the Tiger's relief corps "The Bullpen of Death." The Tigers led 7-0 and 9-2 before succumbing to victory despite the late innings implosion.

If you thought this Tigers game was over when they led the O's 9-2, you're drunk. Tigers lead 9-7, and the Bullpen of Death is in.

— Bob Wojnowski (@bobwojnowski) July 31, 2015

This has been a constant throughout the year, and will only get worse with the trades of starter David Price (to Toronto) and reliever Joakim Soria (to Pittsburgh). Tonight, Detroit took a 6-0 lead into the fifth inning, then allowed eight straight runs by Baltimore; the Tigers fought back, but lost 8-7.

Look for a lot of high-scoring games the rest of the year.

(2) Hasta la vista, Yoenis Cespedes. The popular Detroit outfielder, picked up in a trade with Boston over the winter (with relief pitcher Alex Wilson) for starting pitcher Rick Porcello, was dealt this afternoon right before the non-waiver trade deadline to the New York Mets for two prospects. I'm hopeful Detroit will pick the free agent up again after the season; Cespedes has indicated he relishes the idea.

(3) It's still better to be a Detroit Tigers fan than a Miami Marlins fan, though. I don't need to dignify this with an explanation. Ever.

(4) I'm visiting family in Tampa this weekend. I'd forgotten how boring the drive between Yeehaw Junction and Tampa can be; I hadn't forgotten that there would be a ton of thunderstorms on the four-hour drive from West Palm Beach to Tampa. I managed to hit three different intense storm cells along the way. Because Florida summers.

(5) The U.S. Coast Guard has suspended its search for two 14-year-old teens who have been missing for over a week now. This has been a sad and painful story. I feel horribly for the families impacted by this entire situation. There's still a lot of prayer and hope, but like Red opined in The Shawshank Redemption, hope is a dangerous thing ...

CAMPAIGN 2016 NEWS OF THE DAY:

From CBS News: "Five reasons Hillary Clinton isn't sweating Bernie Sanders (yet)" - Yet.

Rob: What did Laura mean last night when she said, "I haven't slept with him yet." Yet! What does "yet" mean anyway? It means you're gonna do it, doesn't it? Or does it?
[Next scene]
Rob: [To Barry] Just come on. What would it mean to you, that sentence: I haven't seen Evil Dead II yet?
Barry: Well, to me it would mean that you're a liar. You've seen it twice. Once with Laura -oops- and once with me and Dick, remember? We had that conversation about the guy making Beretta shotgun ammo off-screen in the 14th century.
Rob: Right, all right. But let's just say that I hadn't seen it and I said to you, "I haven't seen Evil Dead II yet", what would you think?
Barry: I'd think that you're a cinematic idiot and I'd feel sorry for you.
Rob: All right. But from that one sentence, would you think that I was going to see it?
Barry: I'm sorry, Rob. I'm struggling here. You're asking me what would I think if you told me you hadn't seen a film that you have already seen. What am I supposed to say?
Rob: Just listen to me. If I said to you-
Barry: "I haven't seen Evil Dead II yet", yes.
Rob: Would you get the impression that I really wanted to see it?
Barry: Oh, uh, well you couldn't have been desperate to see it, otherwise you'd have already gone.
Rob: Right, I'm not gonna see that movie.
Barry: [pause] But the word "yet". Yeah, you know what? I'd get the impression that you wanted to see it otherwise you'd have said you didn't wanna go.
Rob: But in your opinion, would I definitely go?
Barry: How the fuck am I supposed to know?! Probably!
Rob: Why?
Barry: Because it's a brilliant film. It's so funny, and violent, and the soundtrack kicks fucking ass. I never thought I'd say this, but can I go work now?

FACEPALM NEWS OF THE DAY:

From USA Today: "Flight has to return to airport because ground crew forgot to unload luggage" - Oops.

FLORIDA NEWS OF THE DAY:

From The Daily Commercial: "DUI arrest puts end to burger run" - I like mine with lettuce and tomato, Heinz 57 and French fried potatoes, big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer.

WEIRD NEWS OF THE DAY:

From 14 News: "Tax warrants against 7-year-old Pike Co. girl" - The IRS is intent on resolving the federal debt.

SPORTS NEWS OF THE DAY:

From TMZ: "'Rowdy' Roddy Piper Dies at 61 From Cardiac Arrest" - Meeting the Original Undertaker. RIP, RRP.

VIDEO OF THE DAY:

"The people that know you don't really like you anyway."

MUSIC VIDEO OF THE DAY:
Proclaimers, "500 Miles (I'm Gonna Be)"