The Sober Homes Social Contract Theory

One of the long-standing quandaries that stems from John Locke’s “Social Contract Theory” is just how much power should individuals give up for the safety of the masses? Or, how much power should a government have over its citizens?

These questions have long been a basis for political philosophical differences, with some postulating the government should reduce its oversight of both individuals and companies, and others arguing the government needs to have more of a direct say in matters, especially those pertaining to the health, safety and welfare of a society.

This debate is pertinent as we head into 2017 when discussing the question of “sober homes,” which are a sort of halfway house for people fresh out of rehab. 

According to the Florida Association of Recovery Residences, sober homes are intended to be supportive transitional environments for individuals preparing to face the world during recovery from alcohol and drug addiction. These residences rely upon peer group recovery to help individuals gain strength and coping skills in a safe environment.

Last year, the Florida Legislature passed a law requiring recovery residences and their administrators to be certified. At the time, sober homes were unregulated, so the state was not even sure how many there were. The new rules were expected to provide the state with a list of where these homes are located, as well as restrict the number of people living in a given home.

But sometimes legislation doesn’t work out as effectively as envisioned. Since the new regulations passed in 2015, fraud has been rampant; there have been 10 arrests this year of individuals who have abused the system and the individuals they are entrusted to help transition.

State Attorney Dave Aronberg spearheaded a task force to investigate the problems, and the report - which includes 15 recommendations - will be sent to Tallahassee on Jan. 1. Among the recommendations: banning deceptive advertising from the treatment industry; requiring background checks to own a facility; and cracking down on patient brokering.

“This is an epidemic,” Aronberg said during a press conference earlier this week.“This is the number one public health and public safety crisis facing Palm Beach County and all of Florida.”

The flood out out-of-state patients, with insurance covering more lucrative out-of-network programs, has created a billion-dollar industry in Florida with very little oversight, Aronberg added.

I encourage the Florida Legislature to seriously review the task force’s recommendations, and make them part of the legal oversight of Florida’s drug recovery home operations. Our society is only as strong as the link most in need, and sober homes need sober backing to benefit the greater good.

The Truths We Cling To Depend On Our Point Of View

It was Thanksgiving weekend in the United States, but the announcement of Cuban dictator/strongman Fidel Castro’s death on Nov. 25 must have seemed either a surreal, difficult-to-believe, moment or a concrete, “it’s about time” announcement to Cubans around the world.

The 90-year-old Castro, who ruled Cuba for 49 long, torturous years (he took power in a 1959 revolution), creating a one-party state and becoming a central figure in the Cold War. For five decades, the bearded dictator defied U.S. efforts to topple him. Under his heavy-handed rule, Cubans lived in poverty, while he and his brother Raul lived in extreme luxury.

When the word “dictator” is uttered, we usually think of individuals like Adolf Hitler or Josef Stalin, of Idi Amin or Castro. All of these, and (sadly) plenty more through recent history, have used the same playbook when it comes to ruling with an iron fist.

Under Castro, Jehovah’s Witnesses, gays, and other “undesirables” were rounded up and sent to work camps - or UMAPs. Sound familiar, oh ye who have a basic understanding of how ethnic cleansing works? Castro was a tyrant who imposed communism on Cuba for more than 60 years, while torturing and killing tens of thousands more who disagreed with him. The total of the Castro regime death toll may never be known, but estimates approach 100,000.

Additionally, there was no religious liberty under Castro. Dissidents were tortured, imprisoned, or killed. So extreme was Castro’s control, he banned Christmas from being celebrated for 30 years. Yes, all the American right-wing media heads yapping about the “war on Christmas” might want to take a look at life 90 miles off the Florida coast for a refresher.

There are those who will say Castro was misunderstood, that he wasn’t all bad. They will say, “He built free schools and hospitals with much help from his Soviet sponsors.” They will say, “There's a high literacy rate.” These are true; however, as Obi-Wan Kenobi said so eloquently to Luke Skywalker on Dagobah, “Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.” The facts of the truth: Castro ruled with repression and hypocrisy. Government-sponsored censorship prevented people from reading whatever they want. Castro executed thousands by firing squad and sentenced thousands to jail and hard labor. Committees for the Defense of the Revolution and block leaders kept people in fear of being spied upon, or called out for being anti-Castro. Citizens had poor access to health care and life-saving medicine.

Two years ago, President Barack Obama loosened the trade embargo between the United States and Cuba. Many criticized the move, questioning opening how the U.S. could work with such a regime. Others offered praise, opining the embargo had never worked, so maybe a new tactic was needed. After all, some argued the U.S. trade embargo is the reason life was so hard for Cubans. The true reason is not the trade embargo, but an oppressive government that decries capitalist enterprise and controls every aspect of financial betterment.

Fidel Castro is dead. But the damage will last a hundred generations longer than his rule.

NPPs Still Shut Out Of The Process

The state of Florida is criticized - often rightfully so - for leading the nation in any number of insanely stupid or mind-boggling events, from political shenanigans in Tallahassee to weird laws on the books to bizarre news stories that have been known to make residents ashamed of living here.

Among the most stupefying of these issues is the state’s insistence on blocking voters from crossing the aisle during primary elections because of phantom write-in candidates who are often nothing more than stooges planted to prevent voting by non-party preference (NPP) or citizens from an opposing party.

In 1998, voters passed a constitutional amendment making a number of changes to the structure of elections in the state. One key change was the institution of an open primary in races where there will be no opponent in the general election; basically, should only Republicans or only Democrats file to run for a specific seat, all voters (regardless of party preference, or even lack thereof) would be allowed to participate in the election process.

But … no sooner did the change become law that both parties figured out a loophole: add a write-in candidate to the mix - someone whose name will not even appear on the general election ballot - and the majority of voters become disenfranchised, because crossing party lines is no longer an option.

The situation is a travesty that considers write-in candidates viable general election opposition, which thereby closing party primaries to outsiders even when the primary race often virtually guarantees the winner in November. In almost all circumstances, write-in candidates are not legitimate candidates. While no-party or minor-party candidates must pay ballot-access fees or collect signatures to get their names on the ballot, write-in candidates do not. Their names will not appear on the ballot. They will be represented only by a blank line.

Lest you think this isn’t a common occurrence, we just need to look at the past three weeks to see its impact in Palm Beach County. By virtue of “write-in” candidates who have magically decided they no longer have any interest in representing “we the people,” a quartet of Democrats have won the general election some 60 days before that general election takes place. Elected to the Florida House of Representative are David Silvers and Al Jacquet. Mack Bernard has been elected to the Palm Beach County Commission. Katherine Waldron has won a seat on the Port of Palm Beach Commission.

The four candidates officially won when write-in candidates who had qualified to run against them in the Nov. 8 general election withdrew from the races. And while they may very well be wonderful people who ultimately represent their constituents effectively, we have a problem with a majority of said constituents never having a say in the process.

For nearly 20 years, both parties have taken advantage of this election law quirk, and while it may benefit their individual candidates, too many voters from both parties are left on the sidelines, unable to exercise their basic constitutional right.

This needs to be fixed, and soon.

Fifteen Years Later

This morning, at 8:46 a.m. specifically, marked the 15th anniversary of 9/11 when nearly 3,000 innocent Americans and foreign visitors were killed by Islamist terrorists in New York City, the Pentagon, and United Airlines Flight 93 in Pennsylvania.

So much has happened in the ensuing 5,480 days - and to eloquently incorporate words of wisdom from Guardians of the Galaxy’s Peter Quill, the years have been a combination of “something good, something bad.”

And in some cases, what has transpired has been a bit of both.

One one hand, the United States federal government became extremely proactive in its visible attempts to curtail international terrorism. The Department of Homeland Security was created. The FBI became a domestically focused national security and intelligence agency. There’s a more intense focus on immigration and refugee programs. Counterterrorism intelligence sharing has become more common and systematic.

On the other hand, the same U.S. federal government dragged itself into expensive wars overseas with sometimes questionable end goals. Al Qaeda, at the time the primary terrorist organization targeted by the U.S., has been overshadowed by ISIL and its terrorist allies. On the domestic front, the Capitol Hill political landscape has transformed into a group of elected officials who are unable or unwilling to cross party lines and find middle ground on anything of importance to the American people. And the prospects for rediscovering bipartisan teamwork appears next to impossible, given the current battle between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump to replace Barack Obama as president next January 20.

But if there’s anything the American people still have on their side, despite all the negatives that are part of the daily lexicon, it’s hope. Hope that the political bickering will come to an end and the two major political parties will work together again in a respectful manner. Hope that the billions of dollars exhausted on anti-terrorism technology and weaponry has been well-spent. Hope that the United States makes wise and effective decisions on dealing with Middle East terrorist non-government organizations, with equal hope we can bring our troops home unscathed.

Meanwhile, not a day goes by that there isn't some 9/11 connection which takes place. For some, it may be a news story about discrimination against Muslims, or a song which is heard on the radio, or going through airport security on a business trip. There’s always something there to remind us, even if we have no such desire to remember a most significant moment in recent U.S. history.

But remember we must, and we do.

And The First Federal Holiday Was Born

Many area residents strive in their lives to find meaningful work - something that gives them pride of purpose, puts food on the table and a roof over their heads. It’s a work-ethic twist on an existential dilemma, where workers ponder age-old mysteries without any substantial clues.

This is a fairly recent development. For the longest time, workers devoted themselves to a specific employer, spending all of their days there until retirement. And while this is still part of the United States work culture, it’s becoming rarer with each passing year. 

Today, for a variety of reasons, longevity in a single career path is rare. Younger employees are emerging into a tough job market, often unable to land a career in their preferred field of expertise. As a result, they end up trying various positions and career paths before finding a fit. And this leads not just to individuals jumping from company to company, often looking for better wages and benefits; it also leads to switching entire careers.

And for many, the entire employee-employer dynamic has been transformed. More people now than ever before work as independent contractors, which means they aren't covered by wage and overtime laws and don't receive workers' compensation if injured or unemployment insurance if laid off. And while some workers prefer such an employment option because of the flexibility they have, many companies have been known to exploit the system by misclassifying workers as independent contractors when they really are acting as employees and entitled to protections.

If there’s anything true in today’s work environment, it’s that there is no guarantee of job or career security.

Despite this - or, perhaps in part, because we dream of better days and a return to an era where employment and wages were more secure - we continue to honor the American worker with a federal holiday the first Monday in September. Labor Day remains a strong testament to the belief that hard work will get you everywhere in life.

Labor Day - today - has come to mean the three-day weekend that ushers in the end of summer, but its history is important to remember. It is a creation of the labor day movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers.

It originated during one of the most dismal chapters in American labor history. In the late 1800s, at the height of the Industrial Revolution, the average American worked 12-hour days and seven-day weeks to make a basic living. Additionally, children as young as 5 worked in factories or mills, earning a fraction of adults’ wages. And workers of all ages, genders and backgrounds often faced extremely unsafe and unsanitary working conditions.

It was because of all this labor unions, which had first appeared in the late 18th century, began to rise to prominence. Unions organized strikes and rallies to protest poor conditions and force employers to renegotiate hours and pay.

What followed were strikes, strife, boycotts, damages, and deaths due to rioting, culminating with Congress unanimously approving a bill authorizing Labor Day in just six days, a bill signed into law immediately by President Grover Cleveland 122 years ago.

And the first federal holiday was born.

Much has changed since 1894, but it is still important to recognize American workers and what they bring to the table.

Melaina And Michelle

Boy, that escalated quickly.

Okay, to be on the up-and-up, we need to let you know the previous paragraph, all four words of it, was originally stated by Will Farrell’s character in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. We offer this official citation because we don’t want to be accused of plagiarism.

Plagiarism is “the practice of taking someone else's work or ideas and passing them off as one's own.” Discussion on this topic started in earnest Monday night as the Republican National Convention concluded its first day, when two paragraphs of potential First Lady Melaina Trump’s speech were identified as having been previously orated in 2008 … by current First Lady Michelle Obama.

This is not the first case of plagiarism in politics. In 2008, Hillary Clinton was accused to plagiarizing U.S. Sen. John Edwards multiple times during her presidential campaign. In 2007, President Obama shared speechwriters with Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick, and neglected to give Patrick credit on several occasions. In 2014, U.S. Senate candidate John Walsh of Montana bowed out of the race when it was discovered he’d plagiarized portions of his master’s degree term papers at the U.S. Army War College. And (perhaps) most famously, in 1988, Vice President Joe Biden plagiarized British Labour Party leader Neal Kinnock (not just his words, but his biographical details) during his ill-fated presidential campaign; he was also found to have plagiarized in law school.

All of these received much media play, and in the current world of Twitter, probably would have received infinitely more attention.

But the curious case of Melaina Trump blew up the Internet this week, for three primary reasons.

First, the source. Donald Trump’s and the GOP’s camps have been targeting Democrats and President Barack Obama for some time, so Melaina Trump stealing words from the current FLOTUS and claiming it as her own came off as a stunning public relations blow. Taking words from the “political enemy” and using them for your own purposes reflects very poorly - especially  when the lifted phrases dealt with themes like “hard work” and “integrity.”

Second, the vetting process. Professional political campaigns have at their disposal a number of search tools that can be used to ensure plagiarism doesn’t happen. Whether a simple Google search or using a more sophisticated program like Turnitin, which a number of area schools use to check student writing, the Trump campaign had many options at their disposal.

Third, crisis management. Team Trump fared poorly here, first refusing to accept any blame for the plagiarism and blaming the rival Clinton campaign, then determining that two official speechwriters had sent Melania Trump a draft which she rewrote herself. Nearly 36 hours after the speech, an in-house staff writer named Meredith McIver claimed Melania Trump has a deep appreciation of Michelle Obama and reviewed some passages from her 2008 speech. The final draft was never officially checked before being presented to the world, though.

Given the many other topics of vital importance to Americans, is plagiarism the most important on which to focus? Probably not. But it reinforced dominant themes of the Trump campaign, which has shied away from using experienced political experts, instead playing on instinct.

If any good has come out of the fiasco, it’s that high school and middle school English teachers have a new and modern example of how to teach students the dangers of plagiarism. Perhaps, to paraphrase Karl Marx, history won’t repeat itself.

The Zika Crisis

Near the conclusion of the 1995 movie The American President, United States President Andrew Shepherd delivers a speech about the responsibilities of being in higher elected office. “We've got serious problems, and we need serious people,” he emphatically proclaims during his powerful monologue.

He was not discussing the sudden fad of young adults scampering around looking for Pokémon Go characters, but it wouldn’t surprise us if some members of Congress are busier playing the virtual reality game than they were at dealing with national health and safety issues.

Sadly, the do-nothing congress in Washington, D.C. went on hiatus this past week without addressing a number of serious problems facing our nation, including the invasive Zika virus. The failure of Congress to approve any money to help fight Zika is simply inexcusable when a real health threat is staring us right in the collective face.

Public health officials have been begging Congress for months now to approve funding so the nation can prepare for, study and fight Zika, which is spread mostly by the bite of an infected Aedes species mosquito. These mosquitoes are aggressive daytime biters, but can also bite at night.

Zika is spreading rapidly across Latin America and the Caribbean. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) says more than 1,100 travelers have shown up infected in the continental U.S., including close to 400 pregnant women. There is currently no vaccine or medicine for Zika, which can be passed from a pregnant woman to her fetus. Infection during pregnancy can cause certain birth defects; the most obvious and horrifying birth defect known to be caused by Zika infection is microcephaly. The child's head is smaller than normal because the brain itself is badly damaged.

Adding to the concern is the upcoming Summer Olympic Games in Brazil. While the CDC  recently claimed tourists traveling between the U.S. and Brazil should not accelerate the spread of the Zika virus around the world, this is not an entirely reassuring position. A number of world-class athletes, including Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn, gymnast Carly Patterson, golfers Jason Day and Dustin Johnson, and cyclist Tejay van Garderen, have expressed concern about competing in the Olympic Games due to health issues, which includes both the Zika virus and questionable water quality for swimming and boating events.

Given that these athletes are in far better condition and health than the vast majority of Americans - and thus theoretically better able to fend off infections of any sort - their refusal to subject themselves to the risks of contracting such a powerful virus should be a warning to everyone, especially our elected officials, this is a concern of utmost importance.

Instead, Congress shut down for the next few months, leaving the entire Zika situation hanging.

Another president, this time the very-real Harry S Truman, once proclaimed, “The buck stops here.” Sadly, our current Commander-in-Chief can’t claim this to be the case when it comes to our national health, because the much-needed legislation to make this happen never got to his desk. Let’s hope there’s a better answer before the Pokémon Go craze dies down.

Chronicle of a Test Foretold

During my first year of teaching in Florida - at Stuart's South Fork High School - I was blessed to work with an amazing group of juniors and seniors who were part of the school's International Baccalaureate program.

While reading Gabriel Garcia Marquez's novella Chronicle of a Death Foretold, the juniors received an assignment to write a collective story incorporating "magic realism," a literary or artistic genre in which realistic narrative and naturalistic technique are combined with surreal elements of dream or fantasy (with the only real catch being that the story they created had to take place within my classroom walls). And, since I believe I (as an educator) should be able to do the assignments I present, I set about writing my own story.

This is that story, which I somehow pounded out in three days during the 1999-2000 school year. And yes, I incorporated all 19 students in my junior IB English class, plus a number of faculty and administrative staff into the tale. The next week, I photocopied the entire saga to transparencies, and we did a live cold-read in class using the overhead projector.

It was ... an interesting experience.

I posted the following tale on-line as part of the Wellington Debate website (it's sort of buried there; no actual link exists on the main page), but am adding it to my blog site now. Hope you enjoy the read!

THE SETTING: A NONDESCRIPT ROOM IN THE H-WING AT SOUTH FORK HIGH SCHOOL. GROUPS OF IB STUDENTS ARE BUSY CHATTING AMONG THEMSELVES, FEVERISHLY WORKING ON ASSIGNMENTS THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ENGLISH.

GABA: (stepping up to the podium) May I have your attention please? Hello? Hello? Ahem!

ELIZABETH: Hey, you guys, shut up! Mr. Gaba has an announcement!

LISA: Mr. Gaba, is it true that we need to do a 4,000-word journal entry on imagery and symbolism in The Cat in the Hat?

DAN: I thought that was imagery OR symbolism.

TRENT: No, I think it's imagery AND symbolism.

JESSICA K.: Mr. Gaba, can you define "symbolism" again? I'm still not quite sure what it means.

GABA: (sips hot tea) Hold on, I'll get to that in ... whose missing? (He starts counting heads.)

JENNIFER: (looks around) Mike's not here yet, but he'll be here soon. And Amy's out of town.

GABA: Sixteen, seventeen. You're right, they're the only ones not here. OK, first things first. I talked to Mrs. George yesterday, and she told me that the IBO has changed the deadline, and now the final draft of your extended essay is due tomorrow instead of in October.

CLASS: (collective groan)

JOANNA C.: But Mr. Gaba, that's sooooo unfair!

JESSICA W.: You know, Joanna, when you cry out like that, your hairline moves!

JOANNA C.: Why are you always mocking me?

GABA: Listen, life is unfair. Fate, destiny, it all boils down to whatever god or spiritual entity you might choose to believe in. This decision comes right from the IBO. But being a kind, benevolent teacher, I'm moving your journal entry on the correlation of imagery and symbolism in The Cat in the Hat to a week from Monday.

TRENT: (to Dan) Told you!

DAN: Oh, man, I'm glad I found out now. I was almost done with it, and I want to make sure I do the assignment right.

GABA: Now, my other announcement. Hello? Hello? (He raps his ruler against the podium.)

ELIZABETH: Hey, you guys, shut up! Mr. Gaba has another announcement!

GABA: Thank you. Everyone needs to clear their desk and take out some paper and a writing utensil - pen, blood, whatever - because we have a test today.

JILL: A test?

JESSICA W.: Today?

JILL: Mr. Gaba, you never said anything about us having a test today. How am I supposed to get all of my math homework done if we have to work in here?

LAVON: And how am I supposed to finish my art project?

JESSICA W.: What kind of test?

GABA: (passing out exams) It's a practice IB exam. You know, when I was at the International Academy, an all-IB school in Michigan, last year …

JENNIFER: Mr. Gaba, Tina and I have a tennis tournament today, and we have passes to leave in about 10 minutes.

GABA: Let me see them. (Tina and Jennifer show their signed passes to Mr. Gaba) These are forged! That looks nothing like Mrs. Hall's signature!

JENNIFER: That's because it's Mr. Costello's signature!

GABA: (looks at pass again) Ah, OK. Well, you'll have to make this test up some time.

ASHLEY: (reading her Braille exam carefully) Um, Mr. Gaba, are you sure this is the right exam?

GABA: I think so. Why?

ASHLEY: Well, if I'm reading this right ... "Consider the presentation of fate and destiny in the life of Loreena McKennitt based on fifteen literary works studied this semester.”

GABA: Yep, that's the right exam. See, each exam is different, specifically written for an interest that you have. So there's nineteen different exams.

ASHLEY: We've read fifteen books?

JILL: Not books, NOVELS!

ASHLEY: I'm sorry. Novels.

ELIZABETH: (reading exam aloud) "How much of a role does imagery play in understanding literary works by writers whose characters' settings and situations revolve around the Avocado theorem?" Don't you mean "Avogadro”?

JESSICA W.: (reading exam aloud) "How far is it possible to read with sympathy literary works by writers whose characters' views closely resemble those of Jonah and the Frankenstein monster?" This makes no sense.

RIKKI: (reading exam aloud) "Consider the instances of comic irony or absurdity in two literary works studied this semester and discuss how these comic effects compare to danceable songs by Steely Dan." Oh jeez!

JOANNA H.: (reading exam aloud) "What is the importance of character in literary works? Illustrate your response by choosing two main characters from two different literary works you haven't even studied this semester." Hmmmmm.

BRIAN: (munching on donut) Cool!

TINA: For crying out loud, Brian, give it a break! You're always trying to suck up in this class, and I'm tired of it!

BRIAN: Hold on! Can I just say something?

TINA: (rolls eyes, places hands to forehead) No! You're always trying to make an issue out of everything!

BRIAN: Now hold on! You're not even going to be here! You're going to be at a tennis tournament! And I thought you had tennis elbow!

TINA: Tennis elbow? (She grabs her tennis racquet.) I'll show you tennis elbow! (Tina smacks Brian upside his head, knocking him woozy.) See? No tennis elbow here! Next time, get your facts straight before you start playing attorney!

JESSICA K.: Nice forehand!

JOANNA H.: You guys really should be nicer to your fellow human beings. Remember the Golden Rule, "Do unto others as you would have done unto you.”

GABA: Tina, I don't want you going around hitting people with tennis racquets in my classroom!

TINA: Sorry, Mr. Gaba. (Tina puts her tennis racquet away. Then she and Jennifer pick up their bags and leave for the tennis tournament.)

DAN: Mr. Gaba, can you put Monty Python and the Holy Grail in the VCR?

LISA: No, can we watch Whose Line Is It, Anyway? I brought the videotape I made of it last night! (Dan and Lisa race for the VCR, jumping over desks. At the file cabinets, Lisa begins hitting Dan with a copy of Anna Karenina and knocks him unconscious.)

GABA: Lisa, what I told Tina goes for you too! No hitting people with paperweights cleverly disguised as novels!

LISA: I'm sorry, Mr. Gaba, it won't happen again.

GABA: Good.

Mr. MCDONALD: (opening door) May I talk to your class real quick?

GABA: Well, we're taking an exam …

Mr. MCDONALD: (addressing class) I just wanted to remind you that your assignment in solving Pi is due tomorrow. Don't forget to include all of your research. (leaves)

TRENT: Mr. Gaba, can we play Star Wars Trivial Pursuit? (He walks to Mr. Gaba's desk, pulls out the trivia cards, industrial-strength sized Tupperware candy container, and Central Michigan University fraternity beer stein filled with IB III tongue depressors. He draws the first depressor and looks at the result.) I drew my own name!

JOANNA C.: Hey, that's not fair!

JESSICA W.: You know, Joanna, when you cry like that, your lips quiver really strangely!

JOANNA C.: Why are you always mocking me?

TRENT: OK, I'll draw another name. (Trent pulls out another tongue depressor.) Rikki!

RIKKI: I'm trying to take a test here! I don't wanna play this stupid game!

Mr. TRAILL: (opening door) Hey, I just have a quick announcement for your class.

GABA: Well, we're taking an exam …

Mr. TRAILL: Guys, just a reminder, your DBQs on the history of every war that's occurred since the beginning of time is due tomorrow. And don't forget to register to vote, so I can be elected to the Florida House of Representatives.

JESSICA K.: Mr. Traill, what if we miss a war? I'm still trying to get information on a few of them.

Mr. TRAILL: Look, I gave you the handout over a week ago. It has all the information on it as far as deadlines, information, and format of your paper. I suggest you review that document.

ELIZABETH: Hey, Lisa, that's not Whose Line Is It, Anyway? It's Who Wants to Be a Millionaire!

LISA: Oh my god, you're right! Look, it's Regis!

CLASS: (collectively) Cooooooool!

Mr. TRAILL: Grrrrrrrrrr! (He opens the door to leave, letting Mrs. Arace into the room.)

Mrs. ARACE: For those of you who are in Social Anthropology, don't forget your to-scale models of ancient Native American tribal villages are due tomorrow. (leaves)

TRENT: This is ridiculous. It can't get any worse than this.

JILL: Mr. Gaba, can we put on some music while we're taking this exam? (She goes to the industrial-strength sized CD boombox on top of the file cabinets and begins sorting through Mr. Gaba's Tom Petty and "Weird Al" Yankovic collection.)

Senora LOPEZ: (opens door)

JOANNA C.: Hola, Senora Lopez!

GABA: Um, we're trying to take an exam …

Senora LOPEZ: Well, you've interrupted my class many times, and I need to pass a message along to these guys.

GABA: OK, that's fair enough.

Senora LOPEZ: Listen, your final drafts of your autobiographies are due tomorrow. And they have to be in proper Spanish! Conjugate the verbs! (She turns to leave, then turns back toward the class.) Oh, and Katy, make sure you return the Spanish, German, French, Italian, Hebrew, Russian, Arabic and Swahili books you took from my room. (leaves)

GABA: Hasta la bagel!

KATY: (throwing pen onto the ground) I can't believe this! This is futile! This is so stupid! This whole school is screwed up! I work my tail off in Spanish, and all I get is a 100? I work harder than everyone! God I hate this place! I hate IB! What a bunch of …

JESSICA W.: Mr. Gaba, that's a yellow card!

BRIAN: Mr. Gaba, can I go to the bathroom? (He gets up, grabs the combination Bulldog Country license plate/bathroom pass from Mr. Gaba's desk, writes his name in wet-erase marker on the laminated side, and begins to leave the room.)

TRENT: Wait! I need to go to the bathroom!

BRIAN: You're just going to have to wait.

TRENT: You freakin' computer geek! I'm gonna have to pull some major Tae Kwon Do moves on you! (He begins reenacting scenes from The Karate Kid.)

BRIAN: For crying out loud, I'm not gonna get hit again! (He takes off for the bathroom. Trent stops his martial arts aerobics, sits down and puts his head on the desk.)

ELIZABETH: This is ridiculous. It can't get any worse than this.

Mrs. GEORGE: (opening door) Hi guys!

CLASS: (in unison) Hello, Mrs. George!

GABA: Um, we're taking an exam, sort of …

Mrs. GEORGE: I just wanted to find out how many of you are planning on attending the annual IB Italian Dinner, Bowlathon and Strategic Arms Limitation Talks jousting competition tomorrow night? I haven't heard back from any of you yet, and I need to find out who's planning on attending. It's only $10.

CLASS: (collective silence)

Mrs. GEORGE: I'll take it that's a "no." (leaves)

ASHLEY: Mr. Gaba, do we have to watch any more of Regis?

GABA: Well, no we don't. Do you have any suggestions, since it's obvious that this is basically a wasted day as far as anything educational is concerned?

ASHLEY: My mom made a video tape she thought might be useful for our class. (Ashley fumbles through her Braille type machine, opens up a secret chamber in the bottom and extracts a videotape. She tosses the tape to Mr. Gaba, who takes out Who Wants to Be a Millionaire! and enters the new video)

JESSICA K.: What's on it?

ASHLEY: As episode of Judge Judy, I think.

CLASS: (collectively) Coooooooooool!

JUDGE JUDY: And what do you, the defendants, have to say for yourself?

DEFENDANT #1: I am innocent, your honor.

DEFENDANT #2: Me too.

JUDGE JUDY: Despite all the evidence your father has cited? The mental abuse? The forced abandonment from your houses? You know, avarice is the root of all evil …

PLAINTIFF: (interrupting) Your honor …

JUDGE JUDY: Stuff it, Lear, I'm busy right now.

JESSICA K.: Lear? King Lear?

ELIZABETH: Oh my God! It's King Lear suing Goneril and Regan!

JOANNA C.: And Goneril looks just like LaVon!

LAVON: This is ridiculous. It can't get any worse than this.

Mrs. FEATHERSTONE: (opening door) Miss Somers, may I see you for a minute?

CLASS: (collectively) Ooooooooooh!

GABA: Um, well, theoretically we're "taking" an exam …

JESSICA K.: Look, Mr. Gaba's doing his "rabbit ears" thing again!

Mrs. FEATHERSTONE: (Looking around room, she notices the television is on and music is coming from the CD boombox.) Uh-huh. This will just take a minute.

RIKKI: Oh, jeez. (Gets up and leaves room with Mrs. Featherstone.)

JOANNA C.: How are we supposed to get any work done with all of these people coming in here and interrupting us!

Mrs. VITALE: (opening door) May I interrupt your class for a minute? Or are you busy right now?

GABA: Oh, what the heck. Go ahead. (He grabs his South Fork lanyard and pulls it over his head in a mock-choke.)

ELIZABETH: Mr. Gaba, you've worn that tie before!

JESSICA W.: I thought you said you had nearly 100 ties. How can you repeat them?

Mrs. VITALE: I just wanted to let all of you know that the field trip we were supposed to take next month got moved up to tomorrow. Be ready to get on the bus promptly at 7:30 tomorrow morning! (leaves)

JESSICA K.: This is ridiculous. It can't get any worse than this.

BRIAN: (returns from the bathroom) Oh, Mr. Gaba, I've got my money for whatever novels I haven't paid for yet. (He places a blank check on Mr. Gaba's desk.)

Mr. NOEL: (opening door) Hello, Mr. Gaba. I'm here to make sure your public address system is working properly.

Mrs. TSCHINKEL: (over public address system) Teachers, please pardon the interruption. There will be a surprise birthday party for Mr. Noel in the media center after school is over. Make sure not to tell him and ruin the surprise!

Mr. NOEL: Well, apparently it is. (leaves)

RIKKI: (re-entering room) This is so stupid! Mrs. Featherstone walked by the room, saw me through the window, and gave me a warning about following the dress code! Don't they have more important things to worry about than what I'm wearing?

BEN: I think it's ironic that I was just sitting here, thinking about George Orwell, when Mrs. Featherstone came in here. I mean, "Big Brother" and all of that.

ELIZABETH: (to Rikki) What's wrong with your clothing?

RIKKI: Apparently, I'm not supposed to be wearing my weightlifting workout clothes in the classroom.

ELIZABETH: You're not? Then why wasn't I busted?

BEN: Perhaps because while all students are created equal, some are more equal than others? Which reminds me, can we watch the Animal Farm movie again? I thought the pig falling from the rafters was pretty cool.

RIKKI: (to Elizabeth) Probably because you have your jacket on.

ELIZABETH: Well, then ... (Elizabeth removes her stylish South Fork Student Government Association jacket to reveal that she is also in workout attire.) Solidarity, sister!

MIKE: (Opens door and heads toward seat.) Sorry I'm late. Did I miss anything?

ASHLEY: No, not really.

MIKE: OK, that's good. (Begins to take Taco Bell bag out of backpack.) Ah, breakfast!

VOICE: Drop the chalupa!

MIKE: What was that?

JILL: Oh my god! It's - (she points at the VCR) - Mr. Gaba's stuffed Taco Bell dog!

DOG: Drop the chalupa! (The dog jumps off the VCR onto Dan, who is still resting unconscious next to the file cabinets, and looks around.)

GABA: Well, this is different. (He looks at his mug.) What was in my tea this morning?

DOG: (to Mr. Gaba) Look, sit down. You look like a ghost altogether. I make a long story short. I am Toro the Dog. I speak fluent English because the very clever scientist who installed my computer chip speak it. Incidentally, he not so clever; I can already beat him in Risk three out of four times.

LISA: Elizabeth, you know about science. Explain this to us!

ELIZABETH: A ... stuffed ... dog …

MIKE: (looking at his Taco Bell bag) Next time, I'm going to Mickey D’s.

DOG: Look, I'm not stuffed! I'm a real dog! Listen, for many years scientists have thought dogs were intelligent. They understate the case. We're positively geniuses. They always dreamed one day we could be taught how to talk. Well, now it's happened. I fell in with a high-ranking member of the Stuart Canine Institute and started working with him. He was rewarding me with a bowl of high-protein Alpo, which no other dogs are getting. So I figure I was ahead of the game and I cooperate. Until that time, I was just bumming around in an aimless life. I just missed my own TV gig when my cousin Julio got the Taco Bell commercial. He had an agent. So I decided the next best thing was to come to South Fork, infiltrate the system, and learn what it takes to become the new mascot!

JILL: Yes, but we're the Bulldogs, and you're a Chihuahua. I don't think we're going to be changing our nickname any time soon.

DOG: Dig deep. Go beyond the obvious. You're missing the big picture here.

DAN: (who has finally awoken) Irony?

LAVON: Fate and destiny?

BEN: Imagery?

JOANNA H.: Character development?

LISA: Symbolism?

JESSICA K.: Mr. Gaba, you never reminded me what "symbolism" means.

KATY: Wait, I think I got it. "Toro" means "bull" in Spanish. Toro - Dog - Bulldog!

DOG: Excellent!

RIKKI: Nice job, Katy!

JILL: The fact remains that you're still not a bulldog. You're a Chihuahua.

GABA: Yes, that does appear to be one of those details I'm not sure you can overcome, Toro. Don't get me wrong; it's good to have dreams. (Mr. Gaba grabs his ruler and begins tapping it against one of the desks.) But even dreams have to be countered by a reality check. And this is your reality check. Reality has struck hard, Toro. It's time to wake up. Time to wake up from your dream.

WHILE MR. GABA IS TALKING TO TORO THE LIVING, BREATHING, NOT-STUFFED TACO BELL DOG, A SCOOBY-DOO TIME-WARP BEGINS TO OCCUR. AS THE TRANSFORMATION TAKES PLACE, INSTEAD OF TALKING TO THE DOG MR. GABA IS TALKING TO AMY, WHO HAS FALLEN ASLEEP DURING HIS LECTURE. THE TACO BELL DOG IS BACK IN HIS RIGHTFUL SPOT ON TOP OF THE VCR. EIGHTEEN PAIRS OF STUDENT EYES ARE STARING AT AMY.

GABA: (tapping ruler against Amy's desk) It's time to wake up. Time to wake up from your dream.

AMY: (looking around) What - what happened?

GABA: You fell asleep during my lecture. I know I'm a boring teacher at times, but I thought I was in pretty raw form today.

AMY: I had a very strange dream. Nightmare, really. You were giving a test and all the IB teachers kept interrupting the class. And Tina beat up Brian, and Lisa beat up Dan.

RIKKI: That doesn't sound too strange. (Everyone laughs.)

THE BELL GOES OFF, SIGNALING THE END OF CLASS. EVERYONE GRABS THEIR BAGS AND BEGIN TO HEAD OUT THE DOOR.

GABA: Have a nice day! See you tomorrow! (to Amy) Make sure you get some notes on what you missed, OK?

AMY: OK. I'm sorry Mr. Gaba, I haven't been feeling well lately, and I think I need to get some more sleep at night.

GABA: No problem. Get some rest tonight. Have a good day.

AMY: Thank you, Mr. Gaba.

AS AMY LEAVES, SHE LOOKS AROUND THE ROOM. EVERYTHING IS IN ORDER. SHE SHAKES HER HEAD AND, AS SHE REACHES THE DOOR, KICKS A PIECE OF PAPER. AMY LOOKS DOWN AND NOTICES IT IS A TACO BELL CHALUPA WRAPPER. SHE SHUDDERS, SHAKES HER HEAD AGAIN, AND WALKS OUT THE DOOR.

- 30 -

The Pulse Fallout

This past week, in the wake of yet another trigger-happy tragedy within the United States borders - and of course we’re talking about the Pulse nightclub shooting in Orlando, where 49 people were killed and 50 more injured - the Senate filibustered an inevitably rejected attempt to pass “common sense” gun control laws.

Four proposals - a Republican proposal to update the background check system for gun purchases, which would have required states to add more information on mental health records to a national database; a Republican proposal to delay gun sales to individuals included on a government terror watch list; a Democratic proposal to expand the background check system for those buying guns to require checks at gun shows and for online purchases; and a Democratic option that sought to bar all gun sales to those individuals on the terror watch list - all failed to gain the required 60 Senate votes.

The battle over 2nd Amendment rights, and to what extent they can be adjusted - has waged for seemingly decades, but an escalation of mass shootings in recent years has led to more vocalization pushing ways to deal with the epidemic sweeping through the United States. This is not an issue going away any time soon, but we have some ideas we’d like to see put in place which we think will appease both sides of the argument, since negotiation and compromise will need to be part of the equation in our federal Legislature.

First, any individual part of an ongoing, legitimate FBI investigation should be allowed to purchase any firearms. And by “legitimate” we mean there needs to be hard proof said individual is being investigated, and the burden of proof should be on the federal government.

Second, enforce the already-existing rules for non-carry permitted handguns on military defense weapons. These weapon should only be used at a range, training facility, or private property that is safe and secure away from the public; they may only be loaded at those facilities; and when transported, the ammunition must be stored separate from the weapon itself, and the weapon should be transported in a locked container.

Third, there needs to be universal background checks and a shared national database of misdemeanor and felony crimes must be created and shared. Anyone with a conviction for an armed crime, domestic violence, murder, criminal sexual conduct, or any abuse shall be denied a permit to carry any firearm.

Finally, all firearm sales or transfers must have background checks, including family transfers.

In the grand scheme, anyone who is a law-abiding citizen and gun owner should not have any problems with the aforementioned list.

I understand if someone wants to find a way to commit an atrocity, stopping a “lone wolf” is nearly impossible. However, our government has an obligation make it as difficult as possible for this to happen. Responsible gun owners aren't the issue; the problem is irresponsible gun owners need to be reigned in. We need to stop the next Orlando from happening.

Thunderstruck

When putting together a summer jam mix program on your smartphone, there are plenty of selections from which to choose.This includes if you want to create a “bad weather” playlist, where songs such as AC/DC's “Thunderstruck” are among the options.

But there’s a big difference between Thunderstruck and lightning struck. In particular, thunder cannot strike anyone; lightning strikes happen all too often, and can have devastating consequences. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), which runs the National Weather Service, notes that around 25 million cloud-to-ground lightning strikes occur in the United States every year, and during the past 30 years, the U.S. has averaged 49 lightning fatalities annually.

Which explains why once a year, the NOAA designates Lightning Safety Awareness Week as an opportunity to remind people about the perils electrical discharges from the clouds above can have. And Florida residents should be extra wary when it comes to lightning fatalities; according to the NOAA, from 2005-14, The Sunshine State ranked first in the nation in terms of death by lightning, with 47 such reported fatalities - more than twice as many as second-ranked Texas, with had 20.

Men account for about 80 percent of lightning deaths in the United States and almost all occur outside. In fact, most victims are engaged in leisure activities, an nearly half of the water-related fatalities are from those fishing. Surprisingly, in the sports-related category, soccer takes the No. 1 spot, not golf.

Most lightning victims are not struck during the worst of a thunderstorm, but rather before or after the storm reaches its greatest intensity. This is in part because most people don’t stay outside during the most intense moments of a thunderstorm; however, many people are unaware lightning can strike as far as 25 miles away from its parent thunderstorm, much farther out from the area of rainfall within the storm.

Avoiding to the NOAA, the safest location during a thunderstorm is inside a large enclosed structure with plumbing and electrical wiring. These include shopping centers, schools, office buildings, and private residences. If lightning strikes the building, the plumbing and wiring will conduct the electricity and eventually direct it into the ground.

If no substantial buildings are available, then an enclosed metal vehicle such as an automobile, van, or school bus would be a suitable alternative.

However, buildings with exposed sides are not safe (even if they are "grounded"). These include beach shacks, metal sheds, picnic shelters/pavilions, carports, and baseball dugouts. Porches are dangerous as well. Additionally, convertible vehicles offer no safety from lightning, even if the top is up. Other vehicles which are not safe during thunderstorms are those with open cabs, such as golf carts, tractors, and construction equipment.

The best advice comes from the National Weather Service: When thunder roars, go indoors. For more information, go to the NOAA lightning safety web page: http://www.lightningsafety.noaa.gov/.

Purple Reign

Last week, the music world - correction, the entire world - was stunned by news of the sudden passing of Prince Rogers Nelson, better known by just his first name (and, at times, as "The Artist Formerly Known As His First Name") - the Minneapolis-raised musical genius who recorded hits such as “Raspberry Beret,” “1999,” and “When Doves Cry.”

In response, the globe went from Purple Rain to Purple Lighting faster than His Royal Badness could take a Corvette from zero to 60, as a number of significant structures were lit up in various shades of lavender - including the Eiffel Tower, Target Field in Minneapolis, and Detroit’s Renaissance Center. A multitude of tributes were expressed online and on air. Even the U.S. Senate, which has managed not to do its job in at least considering a ninth Supreme Court justice (among other things it has managed not to achieve), approved a resolution honoring Prince for his achievements as a musician, composter, innovator, and cultural icon.

Prince was, indeed, a musical icon. It could be argued, even before his death, that he was part of a Contemporary American Musician Mt. Rushmore, up in the stratosphere with Bob Dylan, Michael Jackson, and Bruce Springsteen.

He might even be the first face carved into the mountain.

There's a number of reasons for this consideration. First, the man was a musical genius. For example, on his debut record, For You, he's credited with playing 27 different instruments. This is extremely difficult; when I was in 11th grade, I took up the viola, having been playing the violin for six years and the kazoo for a few more. Playing two instruments was hard; mastering double-digit instruments is light years more stressful. And Prince - a teen at the time - did it.

And the dude was good. Really good.

There's not a ton of video clips online showing off Prince's prowess, so it's kind of slim pickings; but what is out there is breathtaking. The most widely circulated I've seen is from when he was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2004, when Prince jams with Tom Petty, Steve Winwood, Jeff Lynne, and Dhani Harrison during the all-star performance of "While My Guitar Gently Weeps." Prince pops in about midway into the song and absolutely takes over:

He also took center stage for the February 2007 Super Bowl XLI Halftime Show in Miami, and what transpired was 12 minutes of sheer ecstasy. The setlist for Prince's performance was a short rendition of "We Will Rock You" by Queen, his hit "Let's Go Crazy," "Baby, I'm a Star," cover versions of Creedence Clearwater Revival's "Proud Mary," the Dylan composition "All Along the Watchtower," and the Foo Fighters song "Best of You," before finishing the performance with another signature song, "Purple Rain" while in a downpour. In 2015, Billboard ranked the performance as the greatest Super Bowl performance ever, and while I'm partial to Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers' halftime show the following year, it's difficult to argue Prince's show wasn't spectacular; it was.

It gets better. Not only was Prince a prolific musician, he was a prolific song writer. He released nearly 40 albums, or roughly one a year, and rumor has it there are thousands - possibly tens of thousands - of unreleased tracks stored in his Paisley Park studios. These don't even include the numerous songs and albums he wrote, performed on, produced and released by entourage bands like Morris Day & The Time.

And unlike many artists, who release album after album that sound virtually the same, Prince chose to take different paths. Some sounded funky or dove into the blues; others were laced with jazz and fusion. He rocked, he rapped, he hip hopped, he jammed, he went hippie, he went political. Above all else, he experimented, and didn't play the game by rules set up by the establishment. He may very well have been the most diverse performer in music history (and if he's not, I'm not sure who would be at the top of the list).

Speaking of which ... he demanded - and retained - complete control over his work. When he was offered his first record deal (and, again, he wasn't even 18 yet; when I was in high school, I was happy landing a freaking part-time job at McDonald's), he shot it down in flames, because he wanted a total say in what went into the recording. That, my friends, takes some serious chutzpah. But it paid off, and the same attitude of his not being controlled by the man upstairs in corporate headquarters was a standard the next 40 years.

A few years later, having scored a few hits, Prince ordered management to obtain a deal for him to star in a major motion picture. This resulted in the 1984 hit film Purple Rain, which starred Prince and was loosely based on his own life, and the studio album of the same name, which was also the soundtrack to the film. The fact he was able to pull off the movie, given his still somewhat-limited commercial success, is a tribute to perseverance, dedication, and confidence. He not only talked the talk, he walked the walk, and the results were mind-boggling. The Purple Rain album sold more than 13 million copies in the United States, and spent 24 consecutive weeks at No. 1 on the Billboard Top 200 chart. At one point in 1984, Prince simultaneously had the Number 1 album, single, and film in the nation.

Not too shabby.

He wasn't too shabby with his professional advancement of female musicians, either. When he did start recording songs with an actual band (as opposed to playing every instrument on every track), there were women everywhere. His first band, The Revolution, featured Wendy Melvoin and Lisa Coleman. Later bands were also represented extremely well proportionally by female musicians. He created female-fronted (and in some cases, all-female) bands, such as Sheila E., Wendy & Lisa, TaMara and The Seen, Vanity 6, and Apollonia 6.

I heard about Prince's passing last Thursday afternoon, while in my English classroom, and the assignment we were working on - a reading and discussion of Randy Pausch's The Last Lecture - quickly dissolved into a discussion of Prince, his music, and his impact on pop culture and society. It even included me playing a few of his songs off the Internet. I joked with friends afterward that I could only play a few of his songs, because most of his material would get me fired if I played it.

The past week has been an interesting whirlwind. My car stereo has been tuned in almost exclusively to SiriusXM Channel 50, which has been playing Prince 24/7. There have been the drug rumors, and the revelation Prince died without a will to designate how his $300 million (or more) estate will be divided up among heirs.

Since his death, record stores have been sold out of his CDs and DVDs; according to Billboard, his April 21 death triggered a swell in digital song sales for the icon. Notably, 20 tracks of his have hit Billboard's 25-position R&B Digital Songs chart, marking the most simultaneously charting tracks ever on the chart. Additionally, The Very Best of Prince and the Purple Rain soundtrack hold the top two album spots. According to Billboard, Prince died the final day of Billboard's sales and streaming charts tracking week, meaning fans rushed to purchase his music in the roughly half-day left in the tracking week.

On a more personal level, Prince's death brought me back to my freshman year at Central Michigan University (1982-83), where five college friends (Ron Snead, Dean Sinclair, Randy Hanna, Cindy Stevens, and Kayla Smith) and I dressed up and performed at several "Mock Rock" air band competitions as Prince and The Revolution. It was a blast, with me playing the role of drummer Bobby Z as we jammed to "1999" and "Automatic" from the 1999 album before hundreds of somewhat inebriated students at Mt. Pleasant's Wayside Central bar.

Ah, memories.

When I first posted on Facebook about Prince's death (after first confirming it through multiple online sources, to ensure it wasn't another celebrity hoax death announcement), I included lines from the Prince song "Sometimes It Snows In April." The chorus expressed, I believe, a deep realization of both the sanctity and frailty of life:

Sometimes it snows in April
Sometimes I feel so bad, so bad
Sometimes I wish life was never ending,
And all good things, they say, never last

Prince died at 57. Baby, that was much too fast.

Insecurities Exchange

I was working with my novice debate class earlier this year on Original Oratory, a debate and forensic arts event where students research, write, memorize and present a 10-minute-long speech on a topic of which they feel is important to their individual lives. Usually it's a problem that exists, and the oration is structured to look at some background of the issue, why it's a problem in today's world, and how we as a society can attempt to resolve the situation in the future.

As part of the assignment, given to 30 first-year students (the majority of whom are freshmen), I also wrote an oration. The rationale: if I'm going to assign something, I'd better be able to do the assignment as well.  Some 27 rewrites later, this is what I presented to the class earlier this month.

- - - - -

Shirt? Check. Pants? Check. Belt? Check. Robe? Check. Light saber? Check.

Yes, I was ready. Ready to do some serious Obi-Wan Kenobi role-playing at the Florida SuperCon. I even jammed the "Imperial Death March" on my stereo while driving. But as I approached the vast superstructure that is the Miami Convention Center, it hit me. My outfit looked cheesy, as if it were purchased in the Halloween costume section at Walmart for $19 and change.

Which, of course, it was.

And, worse, I was all set up to meet one of my Sci-Fi heroes, George Takei of Star Trek fame.

What would he say? What would he do? Laugh at me?

If you’re like me – and may God have mercy on your soul if this is the case – then you find yourself constantly scrutinizing yourself, because of the insecurity within. Insecurity of getting the job done on time, or done right. Insecurity of meeting deadlines. Insecurity of living up to expectations from family members, or friends, or colleagues. Insecurity in coordinating your wardrobe at six in the morning. Insecurity of finding a clean pair of underwear at six in the morning.

For most of us, insecurity seems a bad thing, an unnatural thing, an unholy thing, permeating through us and causing us to err more often than not. And if you’re like me – and, again, why would anyone want that curse? – then dealing with insecurity leads to a regular sense of doom, of self-doubt, of total and unmitigated anxiety about yourself. And it’s that paranoia, that sense of not living up to whatever expectations have been set, which is from whence problems arise.

Personal insecurity has been the primary reason psychiatrists remain employed.

Insecurity has a bad reputation. But in many ways, it’s actually a benefit to us, because it helps us make better decisions, and serves as a means of motivating us to achieve beyond our own potentials.

So, let’s drop a nickel in Doctor Van Pelt’s jar and (a) discuss what causes personal insecurity, (b) analyze why this isn’t nearly as bad as you may think, and (c) reflect upon ways of dealing with this complex issue, while avoiding the added pressure of filing Obamacare paperwork to deal with the payment for such psychosis.

Weird Al Yankovic has made a career – well, part of a career, at least – twisting the “insecurity” thing around into humorous observations. For example, in his song "I Lost on Jeopardy," Yankovic misses every clue on the board, finishing in the red, before being told he made himself look like a jerk in front of millions of people, brought shame and disgrace to his family name for generations to come, and is “a complete loser.”

There is an internal dialogue that accompanies feelings of insecurity. This is called the “critical inner voice.” Dr. Lisa Firestone, who co-authored the book Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice, wrote, “The critical inner voice is formed out of painful early life experiences in which we witnessed or experienced hurtful attitudes toward us or those close to us. As we grow up, we unconsciously adopt and integrate this pattern of destructive thoughts toward ourselves and others.”

So, what events or attitudes shape this inner critic? The experiences we have with our influential early caretakers can be at the root of our insecurity as adults. Imagine a child being yelled at by a parent. “You’re an idiot! Can’t you figure anything out on your own?” Then, imagine the negative comments and attitudes parents often express toward themselves. “I look terrible in this. I’m so fat.” These attitudes don’t even have to be verbalized to influence a child. A parent’s negative attitude can leave children feeling insecure and believing there is something fundamentally wrong with them. An intrusive parent can cause children to become introverted or self-reliant in ways that make them feel insecure or untrusting of others. Studies have even shown that exaggerated praise can be damaging to a child’s self-esteem.

Unfortunately, being insecure is a part of life. And this can cause problems, not just for the insecure individual, but for others around him or her. According to Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, a professor of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, some people compensate for insecurities by trying to show that they’re better than others. They may constantly brag about their achievements, remind others about their successes (even if others are well aware of these), or belittle their friends and family members.

Psychologist Alfred Adler, who coined the term “inferiority complex,” referred to this tendency as “striving for superiority.” In the worst case scenario, striving for superiority means that you’re stepping on the feelings of those around you. The only way you can make yourself feel bigger is by making them feel smaller.

So, we’re insecure. Individually and collectively. Rockwell sang about this phenomenon in the 1980s, as did the Australian band Men at Work – who can it be now, indeed? Now what? Well, German psychoanalyst Eric Fromm said, “The task we must set for ourselves is not to feel secure, but to be able to tolerate insecurity.”

Everyone I have ever known – I take that back; every likable person I have ever known – has admitted to periods of sheer insecurity. They looked at themselves from the perspective of someone else – perhaps a person with no appreciation of their talents, personality traits, abilities – and judged themselves unfairly according to the perverted view.

Unfortunately, insecurity has a twin that is sometimes conjoined at the heart, and her name is depression. And that twin can be downright painful to deal with.

Robin Williams was, by far, my favorite comedian ever. He, along with Allan Sherman, the Monty Python's Flying Circus comedy troupe, and the Saturday Night Live “Not Ready For Prime Time Players,” were the "big four" of my formative teen years. And being young and impressionable, I immediately gravitated to Williams.

One of the first albums (rock or otherwise) I ever bought was his Reality ... What a Concept! which was released at the height of his Mork and Mindy fame in 1979. Looking back at my 15-year-old self, I didn't understand most of the jokes, drug references, and sexual innuendo he tossed at his audience from the stage. But I was totally entranced by the speed of his commentary, the variety of voices and languages, the sharp wit that saturated the entire performance – such as improvisational Shakespeare!

And we all know the film successes that followed. So many amazing roles. So many breathtaking performances. He transitioned from comedy to dramatic, and managed to do so effectively.

In August 2014, Robin Williams committed suicide. It was revealed following his death that Williams had been suffering from severe depression – a stunning realization about a man who many saw as one of the funniest people in the world – and had been sleeping in a different room from his wife due to restlessness and anxiety caused by early stages of Parkinson's Disease. Numerous individuals paid tribute to the comedic virtuoso that was Robin Williams, and continue to remember him for his abilities, his friendships, and his philanthropy. Suicide prevention groups quickly reminded individuals that, if they felt they needed help, to call for help – for example, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

My favorite Robin Williams movie is Dead Poets Society, which forces us to look at life from a different angle and do what you believe is right, even in the face of adversity. It embraces passion, youthful idealism, and romanticism. It focuses on relationships and what makes relationships true and good. It's about finding a voice and sounding barbaric yawps over the rooftops of the world – I am important! I am an individual! I am somebody! As his character, John Keating, proclaimed to his class, "The longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all. Thoreau said, 'Most men lead lives of quiet desperation.' Don't be resigned to that. Break out!"

So, what can we do to break out of the circle of insecurity? How do we transform from Queen and David Bowie’s “Under Pressure” to Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing”?

First, consider insecurity a good thing. Insecurity – vulnerability of spirit – is essentially humility, which is a divine quality. In fact, since pride is considered to be the origin of sin (for all of you fans of Saint Augustine), then humility would be the greatest spiritual virtue. With insecurity, we admit that it’s not all about us, and that philosophy in this world of narcissism is quite lovely. Says Stephen Fry in Moab Is My Washpot: “It’s not all bad. Heightened self-consciousness, apartness, an inability to join in, physical shame and self-loathing – they are not all bad. Those devils have been my angels. Without them I would never have disappeared into language, literature, the mind, laughter and all the mad intensities that made and unmade me.”

In addition, there is the use of humor. That whole Weird Al thing I mentioned earlier, for example; humor is an amazing elixir, a way of taking those less-than-stellar moments of insecurity and ripping them to shreds. Yankovic is a certified genius in achieving this. One of the best songs is, I believe, an epic tribute to interpers across the globe: "Skipper Dan," told from the point of view of a failed Broadway wanna-be who is stuck giving the Jungle Cruise tour at Disneyland. “I shoulda listened when my grandfather said, ‘Why don't you major in business instead?’” his protagonist laments. “Now my hopes have all vanished and my dreams have all died, and I'll probably work forever as a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride.”

But hey, at least he’s got a job in these difficult economic times!

So, always look on the bright side of life! When all was said and done, George Takei and I had a nice conversation about the differences and similarities between Star Trek and Star Wars, and the photo of Mr. Sulu and Darth Paul posing together graces my Facebook page.

Just one question … does my light saber make me look fat?