The Affirmation

As we approach the end of the 2014 calendar year, many of us take time to reflect on our misdeeds the past 12 months, on our perceived negative personality issues, and make resolutions to change the way we do things, to become better individuals and members of society.

I have done this on occasion, and like many I usually end up losing my way and reverting back to those negatives. Often it happens relatively quickly, sometimes it takes a while.

It's difficult to change our nature for the long term, even if it's a matter of life and health.

Nevertheless, while in the midst of my two week sabbatical from the education profession (what is commonly referred to as "Winter Break"), I continue the long-term process of rethinking my life. I am reflecting on who I am, what I do, why I do what I do, and on ways to improve myself - physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, philosophically, professionally, ethically, morally.

And I realize, without going into intense details, that aspects of my life are a sham.

When I was active in the Boy Scouts of America - of which I am a proud Eagle Scout - I lived by an oath and a law. Regardless of your (or my) thoughts about the Scouting movement today, the words I and my fellow scouts recited were strong, and proud, and true. And over the past 30 years or so, as I have gone on to undergraduate school, the world of professional radio and newspaper reporting, back to graduate school, and the education field, I have strayed. I remain true to some of the tenets; I have chosen to violate others. I look at my life, and in many ways I am ashamed and embarrassed on how I act and how I present myself, whether alone, among close friends, or in large groups.

I am not perfect, nor have I claimed to be remotely close. But I have the personal power to hold myself to a higher standard of conduct than I have over the years. And as I approach the end of my 50th year on this planet, I realize I not only have this power, but I can use and control this power, instead of being used and controlled.

This is not a pity party. This is not a personal bashing of self. Many of you know I have ridden the emotional roller coaster for years, often dipping into the valley of sorrow over the most minute and often irrelevant of details, that my moments of real happiness are vastly overshadowed by angst and personal depression.

I am a deeply flawed human being.

I WILL NO LONGER LET MY PERSONAL DEMONS DICTATE WHO I AM.

I REFUSE TO LET MY NEGATIVE PERSONALITY TRAITS CONTROL ME ANY LONGER. I AM BETTER THAN THAT, AND EXPECT BETTER OF MYSELF, DAILY.

Thus, I pledge - to myself, my family, my friends, my coworkers, my employers, my students, their families, and all others, that I, Paul Gaba, WILL be MORE trustworthy, MORE loyal, MORE helpful, MORE friendly, MORE courteous, MORE kind, MORE obedient, MORE cheerful, MORE thrifty, MORE brave, MORE clean, and MORE reverent; that I will be MORE helpful to other people at all times, MORE physically strong, MORE mentally awake, and MORE morally straight.

THIS STARTS TODAY.

THIS STARTS RIGHT NOW.

This is an affirmation of who I am, and what I choose to be, now and in the future.

May each of us take the time to legitimately look within ourselves, realize where our faults may lie, and strive to make positive changes for our respective futures.