From "Russia," With "Love"

A few weeks ago - right before Christmas - I was messaged by a member of the female population on Facebook. Now, this has happened on occasion, but there was something ... intriguing ... about this particular message, which read as follows:

hello how are you Doing???Am barbara and am single searching for my Soul mate, are you Single looking for the same thing like i do. i am a good christian religious woman and i am not a woman that drink or smoke i am gently going woman.Inbox me here..{email address removed by me} and you Can also drop me Your number, and ill txt you...am online now, let chat..drop me your Email address...hope to hear from you soon.

I don't know about you, but it's this kind of unsolicited commentary of passion that makes me proud to be a member of the human race. The excellent grammar. The overabundance of unneeded punctuation, juxtaposed with the strange implementation of occasional capitalization. It just turns me on!

Not.

Welcome to yet another spin on the financial scam, a variation of the Nigerian Letter Scam that permeated the Internet world in the mid-to-late 2000s. Here's how it works, guys: A "female" (in quotes, for a reason) connects via Facebook or another social networking site (or even a dating site such as Match.com), and very quickly becomes very sentimental and romantic with you. She will usually claim she's from Kiev, or Russia, or Estonia, or another part of the former Soviet bloc (hence, the outstanding King's English in the previously-noted communication). She will send explicit photographs or videos (usually via email) that are allegedly of her. Eventually, she claims she is in "dire need" of finances for a hospital operation, to pay debtors, for the plane ticket to come and see you (i.e., sleep with you, marry you, be your arm candy, whatever), etc. After first convincing you that she loves you and then pleading with you for her life for money, just this once, promise!, you give it to her and suddenly never hear word from her again.

Or ... replace "money" with "immigration." Women from Nigeria and Eastern Europe have been known to actually hold long term distance relationships with desperate men and marry them in their own country with the intent of obtaining visas that allow them to work in countries such as the U.S.

I knew this going in; this was not the first time I've been hit up by an Internet scammer. A while ago, I was contacted by someone through an online dating site, and struck up a month-long communication with her. (How long ago was it? I was still living in Stuart, Florida at the time!) As my friend Chris Grindrod can attest (since I shared the humorous exchange of emails), it was a strange combination of dark humor, sad depression, and boredom on my end. I've since lost the original chain of communication (such is life when a computer hard drive crashes), but thanks to the magic of the Internet, I was able to find several websites dedicated to long-distance dating scams, such as StopScammers.com and DelphiFAQ.com, with variations of the emails I received during that month.

A typical exchange went something like this:

"Svetlana"

i like your profile sounds interest to me. I like to say you sound like are a very good man and I'm sure that most ladies would like to write you or go out with you and have fun, but I'm not here to do the same. I'm a "one man lady" and I don't like one night stands and it's very hard to find a descent man on line. What can I say,that you haven't heard a hundred times before from different ladies that will make you see the difference in me ? And what can I do to make you believe in me that I am for real,not here to play games? Well..I believe the only way,is to show it but the problems now,how can it happen cos of distance?.your profile sound very pretty, loving, romantic and kindhearted and I wish I could find a loyal and caring man for life.

About me,I was raised by my Gramma I am an out going lady and I believe that a woman should bring something to the table when she approaches a man So I bring a kind.heart,honesty,respect,loyalty and devotion. I'm looking for a loyal man,a best friend,a partner, a lover, my soul mate and would like to end up one day in a long term relationship with beautiful kids and a good man/husband/father. I don't have any kids and am very much single....... I'm a Christian,I believe in God, I'm a good listener,love romance and cooking, I'm not into drugs or Alcohol I enjoy occasionally to have a drink or two but never go over the limits of getting drunk and always end up taking my friends after going out,I love the nature,the ocean, rain, sunsets.... and all the outdoor fun, .... but most of all I love to spend time with a man that I love and it doesn't matter if it is at home or going shopping or having dinner/movie or I like a man with good sense of Humor,easy going,enjoying the simple but handsome which you are... thinks life has to offer,I Love life but like to go through all what life has to over with someone special.I need someone to share my life with.Life is too short and pressies and we all need someone,a special one . Maybe it's You???? Tell me more about you,why are u still single.. what your experience on dating on line and do you believe in on line dating?Am only asking this cos am new to dating on line and i must tell you that you are the first person am sending an email.I would like to find out, by getting to know You more and by starting a new Friendship ?? and see were the road of life called Destiny can take us.

Paul

(Immediately after scanning the broken English commentary - most likely obtained by using Google Translate or something - checking out the four or five model-type photos that were attached to the email):

"Oh my god you are so fucking hot!"

(Hit "send" and return to doing whatever was on the agenda for the evening - like watching hockey.)

"Svetlana"

Hello!!! It was very nice to receive a message from you!

it is my first time I try to correspondence with man in internet world.

I do hope you will be enough patient to understand my writing.

I want you to know that I have only good intentions and I don`t have big secrets. The thing is that I will work abroad for three months or so and I would like to meet a nice man to be my guideor just be good friend to spend time with.I think that it is hard enough to live in foreign town without friends and also I have never been abroad. I am from so small town here in Rusian Federation,I am afraid to be lost.

I want to see real life and it is impossible to see without person who knows all sides of the life. It doesn`t matter what age is he or what is his eyes color, I just want to know that he is kind and open-hearted inside.

I don't want to live in Rusian Federation because I have not any chances here,it is hardly possible to explain it by the first time but I want you to know my plans. In Russia many young girls also want to start a new life abroad, so many of them used a special program "W ork and travel" for young people who wants to work abroad. I also decided to do so and to use it. This program just helps to register documents and gives suitable work in any state(town)of USA, Canada or Europa (or other big country) . I just need to choose.I already started to register documents and now I need to decide in which city I want to work.

I`m 26 years old and I`m not afraid of work (I shall work as the seller in shop or cafe of a fast food).

I think it is the right way for me, I am lost here, and I think that I look pretty enough to find a better place. I never been abroad so I decided to find a friend abroad and make his city to be my destination. I want to repeat the same way,it is my only chance to change my life.

I am full of plans and different dreams.

I have brown hair and green eyes. I think I look very good, but first of all I want to be beautiful inside.

I do hope that you will be not disappointed to meet me in the real life if we will meet.

Well,I will close this letter and I do hope to get your reply.

I will leave my town in a few days or so (I can't tell you everything exactly right now) and I would like to be sure that I have a man who waits for me there. I will work all day and I would like to find a man to spend all free time together to get to know each other better.

if you have any interest to meet me I will be more than happy to meet you too. My be it sounds silly but I just don't want to be alone in the evenings,and I want to be sure in advance that somebody waits for me!

I think that my e-mail starts to be too long so I will tell you all details about me and my life that you would like to know in next e-mails if you will like my pictures and will want to meet me! I send my photos.

Pics are made in streets of my city!

With best regards Svetlana! (this is my real name)

P.S

I hope it's OK with you and I will receive an answer from you!

I'm responding from my private email address.

I hope I'm your type of girl, I'm not sure you like Slavic appearance!! I hope so!

OK, I will wait for your answer. When I hear back from you I will write more things about myself and send more pics!

The language arts and grammar teacher in me died a little bit each day reading these exchanges.

Surprisingly, the "relationship" (term used as loosely as the word "female" in quotes previously) failed to really gain any traction, given my skepticism on the entire exchange. Seriously, I may be "single" and "male" (two things that, in combination, make one an easy target for such scams, I suppose), but I wasn't born yesterday. During the daily trading of emails (her Kafkaesque novellas, my single-sentence responses), I did some researching online, and found a treasure trove of information on scammers. Surprisingly (at least, surprisingly to me) was the information gleaned from the Arizona-based mail-order bridge site A Foreign Affair, which addresses the topic very effectively. Another site, the Texas-based Russian Dating Scams, goes into even more detail. In fact, there are entire web sites set up and dedicated solely to keep you informed about the scams and how they operate.

Sadly, for all the photos Svetlana sent me, she was unable to send any with that day's newspaper in her hands, the date of publication clearly visible. And she claimed ignorance when I translated my own responses into Slovak using that very same Google Translate to write such witty commentaries like, "I know you are a scammer! I've already discovered your photos were stolen from other websites!" (The translation, by the way, reads as follows: "Viem, že ste podvodník! Už som zistil vaše fotografie boli ukradnuté z iných webových stránok!")

But this didn't stop her from trying her hardest, bless her soul. She begged for money to come visit. Lots of money. Offered me the chance to do a wire transfer through Western Union. (Apparently, she was under the impression that high school teachers in the United States are financially loaded.) Alas, all good things must come to an end, and soon I was but a distant memory, unable to be swayed to swoop her from her miserable life in Eastern Europe into the US of A.

Basically, she blew me off. No big loss.

There were a few other women - a "Tatyana", a "Tatiana," a "Tanya" - who tried the same thing. Amazingly, they all used the same flowery, poetic language (and variations on the same name), and sent me an array of photos (most likely, all stolen from other Internet sites). None came away with any cash, though.

Oh, well. Guess I'll not be hosting a visitor from overseas any time soon. At least, not one who wants me for my money.