$ 4 0̸ ... Czechs 4 Free?

Here's something that came to my attention while following the recent US congressional debate over the debt ceiling: According to a statement from the U.S. Treasury, while the Democratic/Republican/Tea Party debates were taking place on how to solve the crisis, the USFG had an operating cash balance of $73.8 billion.

At the same time, Apple Computers' most recent earnings report showed the company had $76.2 billion in cash and marketable securities (at the end of June).

In other words, the world's largest tech company has more cash than the world's largest sovereign government.

This is because - surprise! - Apple collects more money than it spends, while the U.S. government does not.

This led me to ponder the entire "spend more than you have" philosophy, something with which I and many other Americans have vast experience.

Unfortunately, the USFG operates a bit differently than we "regular folks" who actually need to, you know, pay off our debt on a regular basis. To the best of my knowledge, we don't have the luxury of raising our own debt ceiling. We don't get the opportunity to borrow from ourselves to pay debts we have already incurred. At least not legally.

So I've done a bit of research to see what options exist for boosting individual income. Here's some of what I've discovered so far:

Tax Return Embellishment – List anything and anyone you can as a deduction. We can all find some way to justify an expense; the more you put the better. Here's what I'm claiming as dependents on my 1040 next April: 15 million illegals; 2.5 million prisoners; and 535 members of the US Congress. Audit ... what audit?

Invest - Start young. Real young. Hell, start while in elementary school; kindergarten would be even better. Enjoy the beauty of "compound interest," and over time your money will blossom into a really nice nest egg. (OK, if you are reading this, you are probably too old to start in elementary school. So? Get your kids hooked. As for you, the best plan of defense is to invest 50 percent of your salary in a high risk market fund or the penny stock market. You’ve got a 50-50 chance. You’ll either make a million or be broke in 90 days.) Speaking of which ...

Insider Trading - We all know someone on Wall Street in the stock market today, don’t we? Survey says ... yes! Think they keep everything secret? Survey says ... hell no! Why do you think they are rich? Next time you run into one of your Wall Street homies, hit him or her up for some tips. These guys work with stocks all day, so they know where the action is taking place. Maybe they can tell you the best trades in penny stocks (those always seem to go up, right?). Use those tips, and buy what you can!

Marry Rich - How difficult can this be? I mean, seriously now. All that's required is to find someone who has, in the immortal words of Spaceballs hero Lone Star, "a shit load of money," and marry him or her. NOTE: I never said you’d be happy ... just rich. Perhaps not a solution for most of us, but it apparently works for a few.
Letter From Nigeria - This has been proven to be quite successful, given the number of individuals who have actually fallen for this participated in this capital venture. First, write an email to others as the grieving spouse of a recently-deceased high-ranking Nigerian official. Second, let the recipient know that the recently departed had a net worth of some $80,000,000 USD (that's US dollars, in case you weren't sure) that needs to be transferred out of the country immediately. Third, the recipient is asked to urgently assist with the transfer of this $80,000,000 USD out of Nigeria. Finally, offer to give the recipient a portion (30 percent or so) of the $80,000,000 for his or her assistance. All the recipient needs to do is supply his or her bank account number, and the 30 percent or so will be direct-deposited. Isn't that special? You don't even need to live in in Nigeria to do this! (Click this link to review sample letters; you want yours to look really professional!)

Win The Lottery - Yeah, I know the odds of getting struck by lightning are better than the odds of winning Lotto. But you can’t win if you don’t try, and it’s one of the few ways I know where you can get rich fast. (And if all else fails, you can use the losing tickets to wallpaper the kitchen, the bathroom, the garage ...)

Gambling - Ever played blackjack? Craps? These games have some of the best odds in the casino! You can learn all sorts of different playing strategies online to help you win. I've watched my share of World Series of Poker on ESPN, and it doesn't look that tough.

Rich Parents - If you're born into wealth, you're halfway there. All you have to do is stay in their good graces ... and convince the 'rents not to spend their money (and leave it to you when they pass). After all, why should your parents get to enjoy the wealth they earned?

Get An Education - Go to college for lots and lots of years, accumulate plenty of debt (to paraphrase the immortal words of Spaceballs hero Lone Star, "a shit load of debt!"), and choose a career that pays big bucks. For example, if you believe the Tea Party manta, education. After about 15-20 years in your chosen profession, you should be rolling in the dough, and you might even be filthy rich before you get old.

Become A Star - Look ... if Elizabeth Berkley or Pauly Shore can do it, why can’t you? Seriously! A couple of acting lessons and you should be set for life. All you need to do is head to Hollywood (California, not Florida) and strike it big. One good movie (or one sexual hookup with a wealthy Hollywood star or starlet, which you can incorporate into blackmail), and you’ll be set for life.

Invest In Real Estate - Look at the economy. Look at the current foreclosure data. There's plenty of homes out there, on the cheap, that you can swoop in and buy! Do it! Then wait 10 years, 20 years, maybe even 30 years - but inflation will have your investment growing by leaps and bounds, and you could be filthy, stinking rich ... especially if you bought in an up and coming area while house prices are still low. Now, given the current economic climate, it's true, it might take more than your lifetime to see any major dramatic increases. No biggie; you can leave it to your kids, who can leave it to their kids. In another 100 years or so, someone’s going to be sitting pretty. Or, you could ...

Buy Property and Flip It - Rates have dropped. Housing prices have dropped. Now is the time to start reaping the rewards of of the housing bubble burst! Do you own a home now? Leverage that home with a home equity loan and buy up what properties you can. Housing prices will go up again, and you will see the green!

The Internet - Dot-com's are gold! Really! Where have you been? A quick search on the Web reveals plenty of sites that can teach you (yes, you!) how to make $50,000+ a day. Personally, I think most of us could live quite comfortably on that. (I'm pretty sure I can.) All you need to do is part with about $1,000, and they’ll tell you the secrets of wealth in one page or less. If the first one doesn’t do it for you, perhaps you might want to try a few other options; after all, variety is the spice of life. Or ... perhaps what you should do is set up one of these sites. Then you’ll be the one getting rich off the other poor idiots that part with their $1,000.

Bank Robbery - Do I really need to explain this one? Really? OK ... yes, it's highly illegal in most communities, and you could end up spending the rest of your life in the slammer ... but desperate needs require desperate measures. Besides, after you're caught, you’ll have free room and board the rest of your life. Plus, you can write a book about the experience (with handy hints on what not to do when robbing a bank). You then get rich from your book - ta-da! (Bonus: And even better, you’ll stay rich because there is really no place to spend it while in jail!)

High Risk Work - Take on a high risk job no one else wants - Casey Anthony bodyguard, bean counter in Afghanistan, oil tycoon in Iran. If you live through it you’ll be rolling in the dough. What does it matter that 99 percent never live through it? You’ve got a 1 percent chance, and when it comes to getting rich those are pretty good odds. Sure beats the lottery!

Rescue A Princess - Step 1: Discover a Druish princess (possibly named Vespa) has reenacted Runaway Bride, then was kidnapped by evil forces. Step 2: Receive a desperate phone call from her father, King Roland (who conveniently looks like Dick Van Patten), offering "a million space bucks." Step 3: Rescue the princess. Step 4: Profit!

Be a US Senator or Representative - Then you can spend more than you have, thus solving the problem before it becomes an issue! Who cares how this will negatively impact future generations!

Sounds like a plan (or two, or more) to me ...